Aching Feet

On Sunday night we were out for dinner (actually just leaving the restaurant) when the nanny called to say V was crying uncontrollably and was complaining about his foot aching.

I made it home in ten minutes and sure enough, he was howling.  He was able to indicate that it was his right foot that was hurting.  I tried massaging it, but he kept moving it away from me.

He eventually settled and went back to sleep, only to wake an hour later.  Again he was crying and complaining about his foot hurting.

Once he was calmer, I brought him to my room where he lay down and looked at pictures of puppies on the iPad.

He hadn’t fallen over.  His foot wasn’t swollen or bruised and I just couldn’t think of what it could be.

I finally decided that it must have been pins and needles and that he didn’t know how to deal with it.

There were no problems on Monday night.

Last night he woke crying, again complaining about his feet.  Not just one this time – but both.  And he really looked as though he was in pain.  I asked him if he wanted to wear socks.  Once he was calm enough and the socks were on his feet, he was ok.

I don’t understand.

He doesn’t say anything about his feet hurting during the day…

Could it just be pins and needles?

Does anyone have any advice?  PLEASE?


Today is my birthday and I’m 35.


How and when did that happen?

I’m pretty sure that I never thought I’d be as old as this!

I think I need to hunt for my ‘Things to do before I’m 40’ list and start working on trying to cross some of those things off!


I’m done.  I’m done wallowing in self-pity and moping around.  I re-read my last post and cringed.  I was going to delete it, but then decided I wouldn’t.  Because as embarrassing as it was, that’s how I felt at the time.  And what’s the point of writing on here if I don’t admit things like that?

So…  What did it take for me to get over it?  A dose of reality.  Not mine, though.  

First, on Saturday while LagosDad was at work and V was napping, I watched Giuliana and Bill.  Ever seen it?  It’s a reality show if you don’t know it already.  I don’t usually watch it, but there was nothing else on.

I already knew that they were trying to get pregnant and I knew that she’d had a miscarriage and then got breast cancer.

They covered all these things in the episode I watched.  Giuliana had had a mastectomy, and they’d found someone to carry a baby for them after several failed attempts at IVF.

They were thrilled.  They were so thrilled that they were finally going to have a baby, even though she wasn’t carrying it herself.

I cried.  I cried and realised how blessed I actually am.  I have so much to be grateful for.  And yes, it’s a reality TV show, but it seriously put things into perspective for me.

I hadn’t been on Twitter much over the weekend, it’s taken a bit of a backseat for me lately (no reason really).  I signed in last night for the first time on Sunday and was absolutely shocked by what I was seeing.  And that was the second thing that did it for me.

No one should have to lose a child.  No one.  And I am so sorry for Jennie’s loss.  My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.

I spent the evening in tears, wanting to wake Vinay and hold him.  

While my heart aches for Jennie’s family, I find myself counting my blessings once again.

I will not sit around and think about what I don’t have.  Because then I’ll be missing out on what I *do* have.

I’ve snapped out of it now.  

Life is too precious to wallow and mope, and I have too much to be grateful for.




I’m broody.  I’m so broody, it’s not funny.

And every day I’m looking at the most adorable little baby shoes.  Like the ones below.  And it’s not helping.


(Those aren’t even the cutest!)

We are trying.  We have been trying.  For a year.

This time I was sure.  Okay, to be honest, not that sure.  But hopeful.

So hopeful, I dreamt about holding our baby.

I thought about nursery furniture.  And the layout of the room.  I wondered if I would want Vinay and his new sibling to share a room, or if they would sleep in their own rooms.

I tried to remember how many Newborn and Size 1 Pampers I’d ordered in advance when I had Vinay.

I thought I’d ask my sister to buy me Pregnacare while she was in London next week, since it would probably be cheaper.

With each thought and each question, there was a voice in my head telling me to stop being ridiculous.  That this time wasn’t going to be *the* time.

And sure enough, that voice in my head was right.  This isn’t our time.

Not yet.

But what I want to know is, when WILL it be our time?

And how do I deal with all the people that keep asking why we’re not having another baby yet?

Almost every day someone I know is announcing their pregnancy.  While I’m happy for them, and even a little excited, I still feel that stab of jealousy.

I guess until it does happen for us, I just have to forget about it.  I have to stop thinking about it.

And when I do think about it, I have to think positively.