I’m broody.  I’m so broody, it’s not funny.

And every day I’m looking at the most adorable little baby shoes.  Like the ones below.  And it’s not helping.

(Those aren’t even the cutest!)

We are trying.  We have been trying.  For a year.

This time I was sure.  Okay, to be honest, not that sure.  But hopeful.

So hopeful, I dreamt about holding our baby.

I thought about nursery furniture.  And the layout of the room.  I wondered if I would want Vinay and his new sibling to share a room, or if they would sleep in their own rooms.

I tried to remember how many Newborn and Size 1 Pampers I’d ordered in advance when I had Vinay.

I thought I’d ask my sister to buy me Pregnacare while she was in London next week, since it would probably be cheaper.

With each thought and each question, there was a voice in my head telling me to stop being ridiculous.  That this time wasn’t going to be *the* time.

And sure enough, that voice in my head was right.  This isn’t our time.

Not yet.

But what I want to know is, when WILL it be our time?

And how do I deal with all the people that keep asking why we’re not having another baby yet?

Almost every day someone I know is announcing their pregnancy.  While I’m happy for them, and even a little excited, I still feel that stab of jealousy.

I guess until it does happen for us, I just have to forget about it.  I have to stop thinking about it.

And when I do think about it, I have to think positively.