When?

I’m broody.  I’m so broody, it’s not funny.

And every day I’m looking at the most adorable little baby shoes.  Like the ones below.  And it’s not helping.

Bb-a21003-pkBb-a21014-wh

(Those aren’t even the cutest!)

We are trying.  We have been trying.  For a year.

This time I was sure.  Okay, to be honest, not that sure.  But hopeful.

So hopeful, I dreamt about holding our baby.

I thought about nursery furniture.  And the layout of the room.  I wondered if I would want Vinay and his new sibling to share a room, or if they would sleep in their own rooms.

I tried to remember how many Newborn and Size 1 Pampers I’d ordered in advance when I had Vinay.

I thought I’d ask my sister to buy me Pregnacare while she was in London next week, since it would probably be cheaper.

With each thought and each question, there was a voice in my head telling me to stop being ridiculous.  That this time wasn’t going to be *the* time.

And sure enough, that voice in my head was right.  This isn’t our time.

Not yet.

But what I want to know is, when WILL it be our time?

And how do I deal with all the people that keep asking why we’re not having another baby yet?

Almost every day someone I know is announcing their pregnancy.  While I’m happy for them, and even a little excited, I still feel that stab of jealousy.

I guess until it does happen for us, I just have to forget about it.  I have to stop thinking about it.

And when I do think about it, I have to think positively.

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