A Complete Family

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At a recent party, many people asked me if I knew the sex of the baby. I was very happy to say, “Yes! It’s a boy!” Almost everyone congratulated me and made a comment about having 3 boys, which is fine – I know people want to know, but then don’t know what to say when you tell them.

But two people’s responses irritated me.

The first person (a woman younger than me) said, “Oh no! Are you disappointed?” I said to her, “No. Are you disappointed that you have two girls?”

And the other person (also a woman younger than me) said, “Oh no! I’m so sorry! You know they say the family isn’t complete unless you have a boy and a girl.” Apart from the fact that she was spitting all over me while speaking, I really was at a loss for words. Finally, I said to her, “We didn’t choose to have a baby because we decided to try for a girl. We chose to have a baby because we wanted to have another child.”

A family being complete with one boy and one girl (or more than two children, but having both sexes) is a conversation that I’ve had with my mother-in-law (and some of her friends) time and time again. And time and time again, I’ve tried to make her (them) understand – that the idea of a ‘complete’ family is what the parents want it to be! Whether it’s one child, two boys, 5 girls – WHATEVER. And that it’s a choice (and sometimes not a choice) made between partners and has nothing to do with anyone else, and why would anyone even feel the need to comment on it?

This backward, archaic way of thinking really bothers me, and gets me really worked up. I mean… We’re in 2022, for God’s sake.

So for the last two weeks when I’ve thought about these comments from these two young women, I’ve been trying to put my finger on why it’s been bothering me this much. And I think I’ve realized. I’ve spent so many years battling with my mother-in-law, trying to make her (and her friends) see sense, to make them understand that we’ve moved on, and that they should move on, from this old-fashioned, traditional way of thinking – only to realize… We haven’t. What hope do we have of changing how our parents’ generation think if our own generation thinks the same way?

Anyway – rant over.

Puberty

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Vins is 11 now and starts middle school in August. How that happened so fast, I don’t know!

Anyway, two weeks ago they had their ‘puberty talk’ in school. Boys and girls are separated, and given ‘the talk’.

When I got home that afternoon I asked him how it went. He said it was very uncomfortable. I asked him if he had any questions he wanted to ask me or LagosDad, he mumbled ‘no’. Basically, he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

The following week I was talk to a friend. Her son is the same grade as Vin and also had ‘the talk’. She told me about her chat with him that day. They asked him what he had learnt. He mentioned a couple of things and said ‘sex’. They asked him ‘what did you learn about sex?’ I can’t remember what she said he answered, but he did say this:

“Do you know what Vinay said? Vinay said: ‘Now I know why my parents spent the weekend at Eko Hotel!'”

Hahahahaha! Oops? I mean, it was our anniversary…?

Soooo… Here We Go Again

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It’s been a minute, hasn’t it?

So much has happened, and yet it feels like time has stood still.

The boys are grown. Vins is 11 and Booni is 7.

I lost my dad last September.

I turned 44 this year.

I’m still teaching kindergarten, and this might be one of the (if not THE) hardest years I’ve ever had to teach. Even more difficult than the 2019-2020 year.

And now…

Baby number 3 is on his way!

LagosDad and I had a couple of conversations about trying again, but we didn’t really take it any further. Then when we really decided (in December), we couldn’t quite coordinate ourselves. And then in January, I was pregnant! This is our miracle baby. My dad’s gift, I like to say. For the simple reason: it took us two years to conceive with each of the boys, and this time – it happened straight away!

People have been very surprised. Well, so are we!

I’m going to try to revive my blog… So you can join me on our next adventure!

Conversations with Booni

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It had been one hell of a day… Term was ending, report cards were written and proof-read and Winter Break was two days away.

Teaching in-person and online is a bloody nightmare. I couldn’t wait to get home.

Booni sauntered into my room just as I was settling down. He asked me to do something (or watch him do something?) with him but then walked away, looked in the mirror and came back.

Booni: Mama, do you know why I was checking my face in the mirror?

Me: No. Why?

Booni: I was checking that it’s bright enough and fresh enough to be the Flash.

Me: Ok cool. Is your face bright and fresh enough?

Booni: Yes. It is. (He studies me for a few seconds.) Your face is a mess, though.

Brutal.

Animals

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Varun: Vinay is a lion and the lion is king. So Vinay is king. I am a leopard, leopards are strong. So I am strong.

Me: and what am I?

Varun: you are… A cockroach!

Me: can’t you make me a nice animal? Like a unicorn?

Vinay: or a hippo?

Flashback to Last Summer

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I took Varun and Vinay to Bravissimo. They were very busy, so I made appointment for next day. While I was doing that, Varun found the summer catalog. He came to the desk and asked the lady if he could take it home. She said yes. And he said, it’s so funny!

The Third Baby

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When Booni was a few months old, I told LagosDad that I wanted another baby (I must have been out of my mind). He said ‘no way’ right away. But I kind of tried to persuade him a few times over the next couple of years.

The thing is, even though I kept telling him I wanted a baby, I wasn’t sure if I did. I just kept saying I did.

Booni is 4.5, and Vins 8.5 – they’ve both grown up so much. We’ve gone on nice holidays together – just the four of us, enjoyed days out and kind of get along a bit better now. We are just getting our lives back really, aren’t we?

We spent the long weekend with friends. Some of them have babies, some 1 and 2 year olds. I look at them, and I think, ‘Ohhh, so cute!’ But I’m also thinking, ‘THANK God I’m past that stage!’

Having said that, the third baby is coming. Our new puppy is arriving next week!

Rainbow Bridge

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Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

Author unknown

RIP Rolo (2004 – 2018)

rolo