Over the years I've heard many stories of people being car-jacked, arm-robbed, harassed by police and sometimes even kidnapped for ransom.  While I've found all these stories shocking, I've never let it affect our day-to-day lives.

During these times, my parents and my in-laws have told us to stay in on Saturday nights.  And to come back early.  My response was always the same, 'For how long?  We can't do that forever.  We can't put our whole lives on hold.'

After our incident last weekend, I was scared.  But to be honest, I think I got over it quite quickly.  I wasn't afraid to go out on Sunday.  I wasn't afraid to take Vinay to playgroup on Monday.  I was even ok taking him on all my errands on Tuesday.  I hadn't forgotten about it.  But I wasn't scared.

I know of people that have left the country for five or six weeks after they've been robbed.  I can understand it, but I didn't feel the same way. 

And I know why.  It's because nothing happened to us.  Nothing was taken from us.  Neither of us was hurt.  

On Wednesday afternoon, I started feeling very differently.  

We went to playgroup in the morning.  A friend who I was expecting to see there, didn't show.  I messaged her when I got home.  The message didn't deliver.  

We slowly started getting details.  First of all - they are all fine - no one was hurt.  That was the main thing.  

They (husband and wife) were coming home at about 11pm after having dinner out.  Their daughter (a couple of months younger than Vinay) was at home with her paternal grandparents.  Somehow...  They don't know how it happened - they were followed home.  They were being extra cautious as they'd heard of what had happened to us at the weekend.  But still, they were followed home by four armed men.

Before entering their home, they had taken their phones, her handbag, watch and earrings.  

I don't know how the husband was able to warn his parents, but his mum hid in the bathroom with their little girl.

They took some cash and they left.

They were lucky.  Very VERY lucky.

It's one thing to be stopped on the road and *almost* be car-jacked at gun-point.  It's quite another to have someone in your home, with their hands on you, taking your belongings.

My father-in-law told us that we shouldn't have stopped at the lights on Saturday night.  He said we must NEVER stop at traffic lights on any night.

I later told LagosDad that he did absolutely the right thing.  

What if we were followed home and didn't realise it?  

What if we had actually lead armed-robbers to our house and to our sleeping child?  I would never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to Vinay.

I wasn't scared before, but I am now.

A few days ago, I had a depressing thought.  And it's been playing on my mind since then...

There are so many customs and traditions that need to be followed (in our religion and within our community) whenever someone gets engaged, married, pregnant, for the baby's naming ceremony and even when someone passes away.

When I got engaged, there were a number of things my parents had to send to LagosDad's parents and grandmother, etc.  And vice versa.  It was the same (but more complicated) when we got married.

It was different for my parents when my brother got engaged and married because they were then the groom's parents instead of the bride's.

It's complicated.  Who helped my mum in deciding over all this?  HER mum.  My grandmother and other elders in the family, as well as some of her friends who had been in the same position.

So I was thinking about what would happen when Vinay got married (not that *any* girl would be good enough for him, of course. JOKE!)).  And I immediately thought, 'Oh well - mum will know what to do.'

And that's when I realised, if Vinay is about thirty years old when he gets married, my parents would be in their nineties.  My parents probably won't be "here" when Vinay gets married.  They won't see their first grandchild get married and he won't receive his grandparents' blessings.

The more I think about it, the more depressed I become...

Some of you read my tweet on Saturday night/Sunday morning...

"Fuck. We were just nearly arm-robbed and car-jacked. Thank god for LagosDad's quick thinking. Home now. *sigh of relief*"

Thank you so much if you replied to ask how we were doing.  I really appreciate it.

I'm still scared shitless.  The thought of what *could* have been makes my heart beat faster with fear.

Let me tell you what happened.

On Saturday night, LagosDad and I decided at about 9pm that we would meet with some friends for dinner.  After dinner, they insisted on going to a club, so we agreed to go for one drink (which turned into two or three).

At about 2.45am we all left, got into our cars and went our separate ways.  

We stopped at the traffic lights on a main road and a car (a Toyota Yaris) pulled up in the lane next to us.  LagosDad was muttering something about how no one ever stops at traffic lights at night.  Someone behind us beeped their horn, proving his point.

The Yaris which had pulled up next to us moved forward, partially blocking us and allowed other cars to get through.  The light was still red.  LagosDad said something along the lines of, 'What an idiot! Why's he stopped right there?'

The light turned green.  The man in the Yaris didn't move.  LagosDad beeped his horn.  Suddenly the driver opened his door.  He looked angry.  He started walking towards our car very purposefully with one arm stretched out in front of him.  That's when we saw the gun.

I don't know how he did it so quickly, but LagosDad just stepped on the gas and drove.  But the only way to get away (since the Yaris was blocking us), was to bash it out of the way and remove its door with our car.

I don't think we were able to piece it all together (why he stopped in front of us, etc) until we got home.  And until we got home, all LagosDad did was moan about the damage to our car.  

We didn't talk properly about what had happened until Sunday afternoon when, in the bright sunshine, we saw the damage to our car and realised how lucky we were.

I've been quiet.  Maybe you've noticed?  But probably not!

Lots of things have been happening, but at the same time my day-to-day routine has been boring me senseless.

I haven't blogged.  Mostly because I haven't felt as though anything interesting has been happening!

So...  Here's what's been going on.

My phone broke.  'So?', I hear you all ask.  It's not a huge deal, but I couldn't contact anyone unless I knew their number (screen wasn't working, but keypad was), and all numbers are ON my phone.  For various reasons, it couldn't be replaced for five weeks.  It drove me crazy.  

I stopped taking pictures.  I didn't take part in Project 366.  I think I missed out on a month, and I'm kicking myself for it now.

All I've been doing is going to playgroup, grocery shopping and slowly melting in the heat.  

And, for the last few months, although I'm very happy to be with V all day, I've begun to feel as though there must be more to life!

I have just not felt like myself.  I think I lost my mojo.  I'm not entirely sure if it's back...

I had an idea while were in Dubai over Christmas and after discussing it with LagosDad (and getting his (financial) support), we decided that I would start working on opening my own business!  

From tomorrow I will start selling baby, squeaky and toddler shoes :)  And in a few weeks I'll have baby and toddler clothing too!

Hooray!

So, over the last few months I've been designing my logo, doing orders, getting my head round excel and costings, etc.  These are things I've never done before - but I'm so excited!

And over the last two weeks, I've been stock-taking, list-making, unpacking and re-packing boxes of shoes and organising.

Wish me luck!

A few months ago (late last year) I was getting quite fed-up of Vinay watching the *same* Wheels on the Bus DVDs over and over and over and over again.  We have one version on a Baby TV Nursery Rhymes DVD and one on a Baby Genius Favourite Children's Songs DVD.  I think we watched each one about a million times a day.

Anyway, so I (clearly not thinking straight) decided to show Vinay a few different ones on You Tube on my iPad.  He was very happy and we watched a few every day and he was fine.

While we were in Dubai over Christmas and New Year, he would sit with my mum every morning and watch a few You Tube videos.  Not just Wheels on the Bus, but alphabet songs and animal songs too.  But he always wanted Wheels on the Bus.  

It came to a point that each time he saw an iPad or laptop, he would start demanding to watch Wheels on the Bus.  And he knew how to get his way.  He would snuggle up to my sister, kiss her face, stroke her hair, make her feel loved (he does love her, by the way) and then BAM!  He would start moving his arms from side to side indicating Wheels on the Bus (he didn't know how to move his arms round and round).

Once we got back to Lagos I decided that enough was enough and I kept the iPad out of his way.  He eventually stopped asking for Wheels on the Bus and was happy to watch a couple of new DVDs that I'd bought for him in Dubai.  Please don't think he watches TV all day long, though!

A couple of weeks ago I was able to bring the iPad out and use it myself while he was around and he didn't think anything of it, or ask to watch anything.

Me, being as dumb as I am, downloaded a few apps for him.  Flashcards where you have a choice of four animals and they tell you to touch the correct one (he loves that), different coloured ladybugs walking across the screen and you have to touch the red or blue or green ones (he likes that, but clearly doesn't know his colours yet) and various other (educational) apps.  

But it always came down to Wheels on the Bus.  I even downloaded an app where the song plays and you can touch various things and make them move.

We have reached a point where he wakes up in the middle of the night and shouts 'MAMA' and starts moving his arms round and round, because he wants to watch Wheels on the Bus.  Again.  In the middle of the night.  

He cries during the day if he can't watch it.  He stamps his feet.  He won't do anything else.

He is addicted to the iPad.  Or to Wheels on the Bus.  And I fed his addiction.

I don't think he's old enough to understand, 'Just one time.'  Or 'After your bath.'  And if he *does* understand, he's making a good show of not understanding!

So now...  The iPads have been put away again, only to be brought out when he's asleep.  He's been asking for Wheels on the Bus all day today, but we have stood our ground and distracted him with books, toys and Gymboree!

It's going to be a tough few days (for all of us), but we are going to persevere.

Wish us luck!

I have a jealous toddler.

At first I thought it was quite cute.  If the dog is sitting in my lap and having a cuddle, Vinay usually comes running over, pushes him off and takes his place.  So cute, right?

A couple of months ago, I was helping a friend's daughter up a step.  Vinay was holding one hand and the little girl my other hand.  Vinay pushed her.  I was quite mortified, but, I have to admit, secretly pleased.  

This morning, at playgroup, a little girl threw something which just missed my head.  Her mum immediately reprimanded her and made her apologise to me.  The girl apologised by rubbing her forehead against mine.  Awww!  Vinay was sitting in my lap at the time and got annoyed with her.

I think being jealous of other children is quite normal.  

What worries me is that he's jealous of LagosDad as well!

Let me give you a couple of examples.

When V watches a DVD in our room, he pushes us both back so we're lying down on our own sides of the bed and then sits between us or cuddles with me.  BUT, he will not allow LagosDad and I to touch each other.  We cannot hold hands, my elbow cannot be touching his elbow and we cannot kiss.  Not even a peck.

Last night we were sitting next to each other on the bed and I had one arm around LagosDad.  Vinay came along and moved my arm.  Then he saw that our legs were touching and he moved my leg.  And all the while he was shouting!

When we first realised that he got annoyed, we'd have a cuddle on purpose, just to see his reaction (is that mean?).

But now it's getting to be a bit much!

Has anyone else experienced this?  Is it normal?  What should we do?

There's something that I've been thinking about lately.  And I can't stop thinking about it.  

As you may know (and as I've mentioned many times before), I used to be a primary school teacher. 

When I started teaching in Lagos, the school was very new - it had only been open a year, and everyone was still finding their feet.  Over the years the infrastructure improved, there was more guidance and there were more 'rules and regulations'.  I was not happy about this at first (I'm not good with change), but soon realised that these changes didn't benefit only the children, but they were crucial to my own personal and professional development.

I always taught Year 1 (5-6 year olds) or Year 2 (6-7 year olds).  I loved teaching.  I loved the kids in my classes (most of the time) and I think I got on well with most of my colleagues.  I've met some of my closest friends through teaching.

However, what I didn't like (and I've made no secret of this either) was the paperwork and politics.  AND, apart from that, dealing with some of the parents.  The parents pay a lot of money to send their children to a private international school and expect a lot from the teachers; which is fair.  But there were some parents that became "overly involved" in everything that goes on in their child's classroom.  Sometimes I feel they have every right to do this.  Within reason.

As a member of staff, of course it was necessary to always be polite and professional and deal with issues as they arose.  

I always thought I was a good teacher.  I took the time to talk to my children, to listen to what they had to say and to deal with their ongoing friendship problems (amongst many other things).  Any teacher would do that.  That's what good teachers do, right?

But something's changed now.  

I'm a parent.

I'm a parent and I can't help but wonder if my interaction with parents of children in any of my classes would have been different if I'd *known* what it was like to be a parent before.  

Does that make any sense?

I wonder if I would have been as quick to placate a mum who had concerns about her child's behaviour or progress (when there was no need to be concerned).  

I wonder if I would have been that little bit more sympathetic to the child that was upset because he didn't like what was in his snack box.

I wonder if I would have been a little more patient with the five year old that was still crying every day when he arrived in school three months later.

All my 'wonders' are like this, and it's made me question whether I did the best I could.  

It's nearly here...  I can feel the excitement building...  Not long to go!  

Am I nervous?  Yes!

Am I excited?  Yes!

Do I know what to expect?  No!

The wonderful Melksham Mum (can't wait to meet her) has tagged me in this meme created by Claire at A Boy With Aspergers.

Q. What's your blog title/URL and how long have you been blogging?

Blog URL: http://diaryofalagosmum.com and I've been blogging since June 2011.

Q. Will Britmums Live be your first blogging conference?

Yes! *freaks out a little*

Q. Did you bag yourself a sponsor?

Yes?  My sponsor is LagosDad!

Q. Are you attending both days?

Hell, yes!

Q. What are you most looking forward to about the conference?

I'm looking forward to learning new things about blogging.  But I'm most looking forward to meeting Twitter friends and making new ones :)

Q. Are you wearing branded clothing (your sponsors brand)?

Nooooo.  No 'formal' sponsor!

Q. What is your planned style for this event?

I haven't really thought about it yet.  But I'm sure there'll be plenty of discussions about it nearer the time!

Q. Are you hoping to be nominated for a BiB award?

I wasn't expecting to be at all - and the shortlist is out - congratulations if you're on it!

Q. If so, what category?

N/A

Q. Will you be looking to network with Brands?

I don't think so...  Have many other things to learn about blogging first!

Q. What do you hope to gain from the conference?

New friends, new ideas and different perspectives.

Q. Will you be dressing up in the toilets for the Friday night BiBs?

Mmmm...  Possibly.  Will wait and see!

Q. Are you speaking at the conference?  If so, when, where and how do you feel about it?

Hell, no!  I'll probably be hiding in a corner!

Q. Will you be joining in the early morning bloggercerise on the Saturday morning?

Hell, no!  I'll be in bed for as long as possible!

Q. Which speakers are you most looking forward to listening to?

I've read the Look who's speaking at Britmums Live! page many times - and the line-up is just fab!  I couldn't choose just one or two people!

Q. Which workshops will you be attending on the Friday (Day 1)?

I'm still deciding between the two Discussion Dens!

Q. Which workshops being held on Saturday (Day 2) have grabbed your attention?

Photography, daddy bloggers and using Facebook 

Q. Are you booked into a hotel for the Friday night, and if so, which one?

Oh yes - The Hoxton!  And NotSoSlummy and I are sharing!

Q. Will you be looking for after party drink?

Mmmm.  Yes.  Always.

Q. Are you worried about not knowing anyone or being confident and socialising on the day?

I'd be outright lying if I said, 'No'!  I am.  I'm very shy!

Q. What are you most likely to be found doing while attending Britmums Live?

Trying to make friends, rubbing under my eyes in case my eye-liner has run and texting home to check that Vinay is ok!

Ok - so now, here are the rules...

Copy the questions.  Answer the questions.  Link back to and link up at A Boy With Aspergers and tag a couple of people.

I'm going to tag...

TheBoyandMe

and

(Just) Above Average Mum

I found this on Twitter a few weeks ago and retweeted it.  I just re-read it and it (again) struck a chord.  I don't know where it came from or who started it - so I'm sorry I can't credit the right source - but please read it.

My promise to my children ~ as long as I live ~ I am your Parent 1st - your Friend 2nd.  I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worse nightmare & hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE you!  When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult.  You will NEVER find someone who loves, prays, cares & worries about you more than I do!  If you don't hate me once in your life - I am not doing my job properly.  Re-post if you are a parent & agree.

It does say to re-post it if you agree - so please go ahead!

Bod for tea has tagged me in this Mother's Day meme, which was started by More Than A Mum.  It's a great way to celebrate Mother's Day; although we didn't (celebrate) as LagosDad forgot!  

Describe Motherhood in three words

Wondrous, terrifying, emotional

Does your experience differ from your mother's?  How?

I suppose the basics are the same, but there are many little things that are different.  Like the variety of baby equipment available now, that she didn't have then.  And, of course, the price of things.  I can't tell you how many times I've heard the story of the Silver Cross Pram that cost £32!

What's the best thing?

As nuts as Vinay is driving me these days, there's always (at least) one point in the day when I look at him and think, 'You are the best thing in the world.'  I love that he can now call me 'mama', but shouts 'naaaanaaaa' when I'm leaving a room.  I love that he holds up his hand and shows five fingers to show 'so many' (insert animal or mode of transport here).  And I love that he doesn't know how to say, 'no' yet!

How has it changed you?

I've become more mushy than I was before.  It doesn't take much to make me cry!  I worry constantly.  Not just about him, but about everything.  I don't think I did before.  Being a mum has made me realise I don't miss school.  I don't miss the paperwork or the politics of the school environment.

What do you hope for your children?

All I want for him is for him to be happy and healthy.  And I hope that he will always know how much we love him.  

What do you fear for them?

Oh my God, where do I start?

What makes it all worthwhile?

The cuddles and kisses.  The feeling of his arms wrapped around my neck.  Watching him walk around like a Sumo wrestler.  Watching him laugh and hearing his giggles.

I'm tagging...

(Just) Above Average Mum

The Boy and Me

Mummy Mishaps