Myself

The following are things I’ve said over the last few months:

1. Ugh, I need a break from my kids.
2. I wish I could go on holiday by myself – no kids and no husband!
3. Of course they’ll be ok without me.
4. Babysitting is one of the perks of having in laws around all the time.
5. I really don’t want to fly with my boys.
6. I’d have no problem leaving them behind!

And this is what I’ve realised about myself:

1. I don’t want to go on holiday by myself.
2. I don’t want to go through a twenty hour journey on my own.
3. I do have a problem leaving them behind.
4. I’m all talk.

Swimming

This summer we were in Bali for a month.  It was fabulous!  

While we were there I wrote a post about how Vinay wouldn’t try anything new and how it was annoying me – because I knew he’d like doing/eating those things.

After our holiday I wrote a post about how much progress he’d made during the few weeks we were away.

See the picture below?  That was him during our last week.  In the pool, in his arm bands without holding on to anyone.  Amazing.

Kuta-20120820-00092

LagosDad and I came back full of good intentions to take him swimming at *least* once a week.  To continue to build his confidence in the water.

Sadly, however, it just didn’t happen.  He was ill, I had to plan his birthday party, he started nursery, I was ill, he was ill again, I was ill again, it rained a lot.  All the usual excuses.

When two friends said they wanted to start swimming lessons with their kids and would Vinay join, I jumped at the chance.  YES!

I prepared V for what was coming.  I told him over and over again that we were going swimming with his friends and he was quite excited about it.  Until we got in the car.  That’s when he repeated over and over again, ‘Mama no.  No swimming.’

As far as I was concerned, the boy was getting in the pool – whether he liked it or not.

The first lesson – he watched for about twenty minutes before changing and eventually getting in for about five minutes.

The second lesson – he watched, but cried the whole time and refused to get in.  I hate to admit that I took him in for a few minutes anyway – even though he was crying.

Later that week I took him to the pool with my friend and her son.  Again, he refused to get changed or get in and I didn’t force him.

Last Saturday the swimming lesson was cancelled, but LagosDad took him to the pool anyway.  I was busy at another bazaar.  

I was a bit relieved, actually.  I don’t think I could have taken any more of his screaming.

They came to see me at the bazaar after swimming and Vinay was talking about going swimming with his Papa.  Apparently they’d had the most fantastic time playing in the pool.

EH?

So he swam with LagosDad, but wouldn’t even get changed with me?!

What’s that all about?

I have three theories.

1. It’s a boy thing – he doesn’t spend much time with LagosDad during the week, so this was a bonding thing…

2. He’s quite shy and nervous (as I’ve said before) and didn’t feel confident enough to swim with so many other people around… (There were at least 3 – 6 other people about during our previous sessions).

3. It’s just me…

We’ve promised ourselves that we’ll take him every week and make it a family thing without a whole bunch of other people around.  

Fingers crossed!

We’re Starting Playgroup!

I knew a playgroup existed – I just didn’t really know anything about it.    That is, until I came back to Lagos when V was 12 weeks old (Come to think of it, I still don’t know much about it).  I was advised to put us down on the waiting list ASAP as it was quite long.

So, when Vinay was about 16 weeks, I made contact and we were officially on the waiting list.  He was six months old when we got to the top of that list.  Unfortunately, we were travelling that week for a couple of months and wouldn’t be able to attend.  They did say we could keep our place if Hub filled out all the paperwork and registered for us.  It never happened.  And we went to the bottom of the list.

This week, I got an email from them – and we got a place!  Hooray!

Having said that, I don’t really know what happens at these playgroups.  Are there organised activities?  Will I keep him entertained?  Will there be music and singing?  Am I going to be very disappointed?

I’m nervous (for me) and excited (for Vinay).  He’ll get to play with other children, discover a new environment and, maybe, become a little less shy.

I’m also terrified.  For both of us.

Is he going to catch something and get sick (and we all know how well I don’t cope when he’s ill)? 

Will the toys be clean?

Will he be very clingy and not want to do anything?

Will his routine be all messed up since he’ll probably miss his morning nap?

What if no one talks to me?

If someone does talk to me, are they going to ask me if he’s sleeping through the night (No, he’s not.  He still wakes for TWO feeds!)? 

Will I find my way to the correct part of the building (I have no sense of direction)?

What should I wear?

What should I take? 

What if he doesn’t do his morning poo before we leave, does it there and then stinks out the place?

What if he does his poo over there and then refuses to lie still on the changing table for me to clean him up?

IS there a changing table?

Oh dear God, I’m going to drive myself crazy over the weekend, aren’t I?

 

I’m Nervous

I wrote earlier this week about how I didn’t want to leave V and go to London for six days (I Don’t Know If I Can Do It).  My reasons for leaving him are, I have to admit, quite selfish.  I didn’t want to fly with him on my own.  I’ve got to sort out his birthday party stuff while I’m there – and he won’t remember my mum, so he won’t stay with her alone, which means I won’t be able to get on with whatever I have to.  

My parents, it seems (or so they constantly tell me) had no problems leaving me when I was V’s age.  And many times after that.

I thought I’d be a lot stronger – but it turns out I’m not.  I spent a few nights not being able to sleep.  I cried until 5am and cleaned out a couple of cupboards.  It was during one of these sessions that I decided I’d just take him.  How could I leave my baby??  I would, of course, be leaving him in the best of hands…  But still!  It was only when I broached the subject with Hub that I found out…  V’s passport wasn’t with us.  It had been sent to Abuja to get his visa sorted and would take two weeks.  I felt, strangely, relieved.  My decision had been made for me.  I didn’t have any choice.  I couldn’t take him…  Is that terrible of me?

Why didn’t I just change my flight?  I *have* to be back so I can start organising the party – sending out invites, ordering the cake, etc.  

And then… Yesterday I found out that his passport was ready.  I was thrilled that I could take him if I wanted to, but, yet again, I was torn apart.  My decision had been undecided.  Late last night, after yet more worrying, I thought – f*** it.  I’m taking him.  I can’t bear to leave him.  My parents haven’t seen him since April, and may not see him again until December.  My brother last saw V when he was six weeks old and I want to do things with him.  I want to take him to the park.  I want him to crawl in the grass.  I want him to eat the bread when we go feed the ducks and I’d like to take him to the zoo.

But I’m scared and very, very nervous…

I’ve never flown alone with him.

His changing bag is usually very heavy.  Combine that with *him* and my own hand-luggage and I’m going to need a back-brace. 

I’m short.  5ft 1.  I can’t reach the overhead storage compartments!  How am I going to get the bag down??

What if I need the loo?  What if he does a poo?  What if he wants to crawl around everywhere?  What if the person next to me gets irritated?  What if he cries non-stop at landing (like the last 3 flights)?

How am I going to carry him, collect my luggage and put it all on the trolley?  And if I put him in his stroller, and I have a trolley – who will push the trolley?

Should I take the Baby Bjorn?  Then I can carry him on me and load everything (including stroller) on the trolley…?

I’m confused.  Maybe it would be easier to just leave him behind?

Nooo!  I couldn’t do that!  Look at his face, could you leave him?

Img_1089

But seriously… Any advice would be VERY welcome!