Lunch With My Bros

Last week I told Vins that I wanted to take him and some of his friends out for lunch during Easter break. I carry around a lot of guilt when it comes to his social life. I don’t make as much effort as some mums make when it comes to arranging playdates and having his friends over to our place. We just kind of wait until he’s invited somewhere. This is not good, I know. And I need to step up my game a bit.

Anyway, so as I was telling him about the lunch thing and he stopped me mid-sentence. The following conversation ensued:

Vins: Mama, mama – wait. Just wait. On Wednesday X has invited me for a bros lunch.

Me (unsure if I heard correctly): Oh. What’s a bros lunch?

Vins: You know! A bros lunch!

Me (trying not to laugh): Vins, I don’t know what a bros lunch is!

Vins (getting impatient): Mama – you know we’re all best friends, right? Well, this is lunch with all the best friends together!

Me: Ohhhhhhh. Okay, that sounds good!

Seriously – where does he learn this stuff?

We’re Getting There

I’ve made no secret of the fact that Vins’ behaviour tends to frustrate me.

He’s always been clingy and getting him to go anywhere without me or his nanny has been a struggle. I’ve come to accept this. I mean… That’s just how he is. But it still does bother me a little from time to time.

Having said all that, he seems to be improving.

Last week a friend from school invited him (and a few others) over for a ‘movie night’. At first, Vins said he wasn’t going. Then I explained to him that he’d go at 5 pm and that they were going to play outside. Once they came in from the playground, all the children were going to eat and then change into pyjamas before watching the movie (Peter Pan). I told him his friend’s mum said that he should also take his duvet and pillow. I also told him that E (his nanny) would go with him. The excitement started building!

On the day of ‘movie night’, the traffic was disgusting. It was so bad I even told Vins he didn’t have to go if he didn’t want to. But when he said he wanted to go, I realised I couldn’t hold him back. He came home at 8.45 pm and he was SO happy. He’d had a really fun time, and I was so proud of him.

This week he had a half-day on Friday. This meant that he started school at 8 am (instead of 9.30 am) and finished at 11 am (instead of 2.30 pm). His friend’s mum asked if he would like to go home with them that day (in their car) and have lunch and play. Amazingly, Vins agreed. I say ‘amazingly’ because all of last (school) year another friend offered to take him home after school, and he always flat-out refused. He would only ever go to a friend’s house if I or E were to take him. So this Friday – we had a double victory. He went home with a friend in their car (with another friend of theirs) and he went without me or E.

Vins’ friend’s mum messaged me to say he was fine and that she’d never seen him so animated. Another friend rang me in the evening to ask where I was at pick-up, as she’d seen Vins with his friends. She said he was so happy and that she’d never heard him make so much noise before!

I know he’s better in smaller groups and that we still have a long way to go – but I think he’s turned a corner.

My baby really is growing up!

Making Friends

In our community, many married (and single) women don’t work.  They run their homes, go to the gym, book groups, lunches, teas and do charity work.  

Having said that, many of the ladies who *do* work manage to do all of the above as well.

I’m not judging.  I’m stating a fact.  If they’re happy, that’s great.  Each to his own.

But it’s never been for me.  Book groups, teas and lunches are just not my thing.  I’m happy to meet people – but I prefer small groups, with people I know quite well.

While I was teaching, I wasn’t able to go out to lunch with friends.  I couldn’t think of anything worse than coming home after a long day, getting ready and going out to tea.  Baby showers?  Really?  Did I really have to go?

And this is the reason why I am struggling today.

I did (and do) have friends, of course.  Some from school and some from our community.  We went out drinking and dancing every Saturday.  Our ‘group’ consisted of six of us.  Hub and me and four good friends.  They were (and still are) single.  We had some brilliant times!

But things are different now.

While I was in London awaiting the arrival of V, the other four kind of disbanded and started meeting and hanging with different people.  I don’t mind this at all. People change and sometimes you have to change your ‘group’ so that you’re comfortable with who you are.

However, Hub and I are wondering where we fit in now.

While we really enjoy and find nothing wrong with meeting our single friends, it has become more apparent that we have no married couple friends who are in the same phase in their lives as us.

What would happen if our best friend married and his wife wanted them to hang out with another ‘group’?  What would happen if one or both of the women in our group got married and moved (this happens a lot) to another country?

We *know* lots of married couples, but their groups are ‘tight’.  The wives are all fine on their own when it involves the children, etc.  We meet at the playground or birthday parties, and it’s all great.  

But with their husbands?  God forbid they should include anyone else in their weekend plans!

There are other groups and other people, of course.  But because I didn’t make too much of an effort before, it’s harder now.

So where do we go from here?  

Hub seems to think it’s my responsibility to make more of an effort, make friends and make plans.

In some ways I agree with him.  In others, I think, ‘wtf?!’

Whether I agree with him or not, is hardly the point though.  The point is that we *do* need to meet more people.  And we *do* need to make more and/or new friends.

The question is, how?

This Week I’m Grateful For… My Friends

There are things that I am grateful for every single day.  Family, health, food, my baby, etc.  But this week I am very grateful for my friends.

I know lots of people.  I see lots of people.  But I don’t think all of them are actual *friends*.


* We don’t always look like this.  I think it was ‘dress like a crazy person’ at school.

I don’t always see them, and I’m not always in touch with them for many reasons (one of them being that I’m addicted to Twitter.  BAD Twitter!).  We’re all busy with our own lives and I know that I should make more effort to see them and I’m going to try to do that 🙂

I know they’re my friends because:

* They ask me how I am out of the blue.

* They lend me maternity clothes when I don’t have any.

* They put Coke in their fridges when they know I’m coming over.

* They bring cupcakes over and surprise me.

* They come and stay with you when you are seven months pregnant and alone.

*They ask how Vindoo is after his shots.

There are many more things I could add to this short list!

Thank you friends. X