Tag: baby

The Third Baby

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When Booni was a few months old, I told LagosDad that I wanted another baby (I must have been out of my mind). He said ‘no way’ right away. But I kind of tried to persuade him a few times over the next couple of years.

The thing is, even though I kept telling him I wanted a baby, I wasn’t sure if I did. I just kept saying I did.

Booni is 4.5, and Vins 8.5 – they’ve both grown up so much. We’ve gone on nice holidays together – just the four of us, enjoyed days out and kind of get along a bit better now. We are just getting our lives back really, aren’t we?

We spent the long weekend with friends. Some of them have babies, some 1 and 2 year olds. I look at them, and I think, ‘Ohhh, so cute!’ But I’m also thinking, ‘THANK God I’m past that stage!’

Having said that, the third baby is coming. Our new puppy is arriving next week!

Insecurity

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I got Rolo (my Lhasa Apso) before LagosDad and I were married. In fact, I got him before we were even engaged. He was, in every way, my baby.

I fed him, I bathed him, I walked him, I cleared up his messes and I comforted him during thunderstorms.

Things, of course, changed slightly once LagosDad moved in. Rolo couldn’t understand why he wasn’t allowed to sleep on the other side of the bed, and LagosDad couldn’t understand why each time he got out of bed and came back, the dog was in his space!

Rolo was still my baby though!

When I went away to have V1, I was gone for over five months. I know Rolo was well taken care of in my absense – but I missed him. I even cried when I said goodbye to him. And (confession time), when I first held V1, I may have (ok, I did) cooed at him and called him a ‘good dog’ (oops).

Of course once I came back, it was all change again. Rolo went so nuts when I walked through the door, that he didn’t even notice the baby in the car seat. And when he did notice, I put the car seat down on the floor and let him have a good sniff and an all over lick of the baby (much to some people’s horror). I saw no reason to not let him continue to share the bed. And I didn’t mind if he rolled over on V1’s playmat. As far as I was concerned, I was boosting the baby’s immune system!

But… even though all that happened/was allowed – things were different for Rolo. Even though he still got a lot of love and attention – he didn’t get as much as before. I was busy. I had a baby. Poor Rolo – he adopted an old Care Bear of mine in the weeks following our return. This Care Bear became his security blanket. Or, as I like to call it, his Hump Buddy. He took the bear with him everywhere he went. Upstairs, downstairs, this room, that room. Everywhere. He humped it, he chewed it, he slept with it, he ripped its nose off and he pulled its stuffing out. And, (I think) when he was wishing ill upon the new baby in the house, he chewed its neck. He did this a lot.

Rolo and his Care Bear

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Sorry for the poor picture quality)

So the state of the bear in the above picture isn’t actually that bad. While I was away this time, having V2, the bear was ripped to shreds (by him) and was thrown away.

When I came back, Rolo, now ten years old, was ecstatic. As was I. I’d missed him. A lot. He was very happy to see V1 as well (quite indifferent to V2) and spent the first three days trying to hump him! Finally I told V1 that we had to go through all his cuddly toys and find which ones he wouldn’t mind Rolo having. He picked out about four (with my approval) and we lined them up, ready for Rolo to choose. He chose the biggest bear of them all (one my mum bought me when I was 15). It’s actually bigger than him! This bear is already being dragged up and down stairs, in and out of rooms and some of its stuffing has been pulled out already!

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Poor Rolo. I think his choice of bear relates directly to how insecure he’s feeling!

Here I Am!

LagosMum9 Comments

Hooray! We made it! We’re in London!

We’ve been here about ten days and have just been busy sorting out the flat – getting towels, an iron, hangers, a kettle, etc…  And of course the TV and Internet!

V is loving going to the park every day, feeding the ducks and playing in the playground.

I forgot how much I love London in the summer.  Although I am a hot and sweaty mess!

I am trying to be extra organised. I have been buying clothes for baby and V (school uniforms included) in bigger sizes for LagosDad to take back with him. And I’ve even ordered baby’s crib and a new mattress for the cot in Lagos.

I know I don’t have to do it all now, but I need to feel as though I’m doing *something* to organise myself. Plus the sales are on and it is the perfect time to buy summer clothes!

V has been doing a little shopping with me. He is very happy to come and choose things for the baby (as long as there’s something in it for him).

In fact, the other day we were wandering around John Lewis (he likes to call it, “the shop where you buy your bras”), and we were looking at the all the teddies. He said, “Mama, I think my baby brother would love to have this cuddly bear. I’m going to buy this bear to put in his cot.” A lady was walking past at this time and she stopped to listen to our conversation, with one hand over her heart.  A few seconds later he said, “Mama, you don’t worry about the baby ok? Don’t worry about anything because when the baby cries me and yaya (the nanny) will feed him his dudu (milk). Ok? You don’t worry.”

He really is growing up so fast.

Anyway, am off.

More soon!

Where I Am…

LagosMum11 Comments

Ok, so here’s where I am with things…

The first thing I had to do was book-in with my previous ob/gyn.  I booked-in late, but he is squeezing me in.  That was a huge relief!  We still have to pay the extortionate hospital deposit, and I’m hoping that will be done this week.

The second thing I had to do was find an apartment.  I emailed many agents about dozens of flats.  Zoopla is my new favourite website.  I got some leads.  Some didn’t even bother replying.  Finding a short-let during the summer, in central London and in our budget proved to be a bit challenging.  Especially since we were looking for a three bedroom/two bathroom place.

I found one place which was perfect for us (the living area seems a bit small from the pictures, but it will have to do).  The agent and I were in touch for the longest time.  She wanted all sorts of details, which was fine.  And then when we confirmed that we wanted the place, the amount of paperwork we had to produce was ridiculous.  I’m not sure if it’s because we’re overseas, or if that’s what’s usually done.  While this was going on, I was also in touch with another agent regarding a second place.  The price was the same, but it seemed bigger and was in another area which I would have been happy to stay in.  According to the agent, the landlord of that flat wanted to know if we could pay six months’ rent up front.  No.  Well then, did we have a UK guarantor?  Yes.  What was his job/role/company, etc?  Told him.  Did he/she make circa 100,000 GBP/year?  Was this landlord mental?  Could we send them bank statements?  Yes, we could.  In the end I stopped communicating with them.  Not because I didn’t want that flat, but I got so fed up.  If you have a list of questions, can you please send them to me all at once?  Instead of asking me one, waiting for me to answer (all via email) and then sending me another?  Ridiculous.

Anyway, so the first place is confirmed.  The only thing is, there’s no TV, Internet, bedding, tumble dryer.  We’ll have to organise all this once we get there.  Is it possible to get WiFi without a landline?  And is it the norm to not have all this included?  Or does it just depend on the individual landlord?

The third thing on my list was the nanny’s visa.  She has come to Dubai with us.  And she’s even come to Bali.  When we go to Dubai, the travel agent organises her visa for us and when we went to Bali, she got a visa on arrival.  Getting a UK visa was a whole new ball game for us.  Again, the paperwork we needed was excessive.  The online application was looooong!  And it wasn’t cheap either.  We submitted everything and she had her appointment for her biometrics etc on 7th May.  It took two hours to submit all the paperwork and process everything.  They told her it would take 15 working days.  We waited and waited to hear.  It was after 21 working days that we got the text message that the passport was ready for collection.  And…  She got her visa!  Hurrah!

I’ve also organised all the ‘baby stuff’ I need to take with us.  Baby bottles (new), baby blankets (some new), baby clothes (very few, V’s old ones), etc.  I’ve just shoved it all in an empty cupboard for now.

I’ve ordered all the freight from the UK – Pampers – sizes 3 and 4, new light fittings for the children’s rooms, new bed for V, formula for baby, dog treats (not for baby), toiletries (for baby).

I’ve moved all the furniture round, so that all the baby furniture that was in V’s room is now in the playroom (now the nursery) and so that all the toys that were in the playroom are now all in V’s room.  I’ll probably put the children in the same room eventually, but not just yet.

I’ve peeled all the animal stickers off V’s walls so that LagosDad can have the room painted before we come back.  I thought V would be a little upset to see the stickers go, but he wasn’t.  I guess this is just another sign that he’s growing up!  He actually helped me to peel some of them off.  We worked together and chatted.  I mentioned to him that Papa was going to paint the room before we came back.

A couple of days ago we were talking about leaving and how we all had to pack, etc. and I said something about LagosDad coming with us.  V said, ‘I don’t think Papa should come with us to London.’  Oh?  Poor LagosDad.  He’d be upset to hear that V doesn’t want him around.  I replied, ‘Oh?  But why not?’  V responded, ‘Don’t you remember Mama?  Papa has to paint my room!’

So, we’re nearly there.  We leave in 10 days.  But I haven’t booked flights yet.

I better get on that.

 

Movement

LagosMum5 Comments

According to my weekly BabyCentre emails, I should be able to feel the baby’s movements from about sixteen to twenty weeks.  Apparently if it’s a second or subsequent pregnancy, I may have even been able to feel movement from about thirteen weeks.

So my question is – if I’m nineteen weeks, why aren’t I feeling any movement?

I can’t remember when I first felt V move.  Why don’t I remember?  At the time I’m pretty sure I told myself I’d never forget which week of pregnancy I was in and the date and time, etc!

Sometimes I think I can feel movement – but then I think maybe it’s just hunger pangs (I get a lot of those) or gas.

After stressing about it for a few days, I told LagosDad I was going to have a scan.  It was just last week (eighteen weeks) and I hadn’t had a scan since my thirteenth week.  Nothing wrong with wanting to make sure, right?

Anyway – so everything is fine.  The baby is still there and he’s moving around.  And, of course LagosDad told me I was worrying about nothing as usual.

So why can’t I feel it?  And when will I feel it?

And why is everything worrying me?

 

He Knows

LagosMum8 Comments

So LagosDad and I sat V down yesterday morning and told him about the baby.  Well, I told him – LagosDad just sat there.

I had been dreading it.  I envisioned him lying down and beating his fists against the floor, kicking his legs and shouting, “Nooooo!” over and over again.

Here’s how it went.

Me: V – you know how mama’s back has been hurting?

V: Yes.

Me: You know how papa took me to the doctor on Wednesday?

V: Yes.

Me: Well, the doctor told me there was nothing wrong with my back.  And he didn’t know why my back was hurting.  So he said he had to do a blood test.  You’ve had a blood test, haven’t you?

V: Yes and I cried so much.  Did you cry?

Me: No, I didn’t.  It didn’t hurt at all.  Anyway, so we had to wait a little while, and then the doctor called papa and me back into his office.  He told me that there was nothing wrong with my back.  Then he asked me if I’ve been eating a lot.  I have been eating a lot, haven’t I?

V: *nods*

Me: Then he asked me if my tummy was getting bigger.  It is getting bigger, isn’t it?

V: Yes, it’s getting very big!

Me: Then he said there was a baby growing in my tummy!

*anxiously waits for reaction*

V: In how many months will it come out?

Oh

Me: In six months.

V: No, I want it to be in ten months.

Me: Ok – in ten months (he has no concept of time anyway).  Isn’t that exciting?  You’re going to have a baby brother or sister!  You’re going to be a big brother!  And you can help mama do so many things – like give the baby a bath, feed the baby and change yucky nappies!

V: Yes!  And you know.  When the double-decker bus bed your ordered for me in Bali comes (we didn’t order it in Bali, we are YET to order it), I’m going to give my cot to the baby that comes out of your tummy.  *taps my tummy*

Me: Oh V – you are going to be such a good big brother, aren’t you?

*starts crying*

*eye roll*

*blames hormones*

*big sigh of relief*

Time To Try?

LagosMum7 Comments

So, LagosDad (I’m going to try using that instead of Hub from now on) and I have started talking about whether we should start trying for Baby Number 2…  This excites me, and yet fills me with dread – for several reasons!

I definitely want another child, maybe even two!  I never once thought about having only one child.  But…

1.  I’ve just turned 34.  It took us two years to get pregnant with V, so we can’t really afford to take our time wondering about whether the time is right.  I know many women/families have babies later in life, but I don’t want to leave it too late!

2.  As mentioned above, it took us two years before.  I don’t know if I want to go through all the pressure and disappointment (of realising I’m not pregnant) again.

3.  I’ve (recently) started feeling a bit down-in-the-dumps.  I’ve always been happy to be a SAHM, but now it’s starting to get to me a little.  I have no intention of returning to education; but I want to do *something*.  And now I have a plan (can’t say anything yet), I’d just have to put everything on hold.

4.  My last pregnancy was so smooth.  I didn’t have any morning sickness at all and hardly any other issues (apart from gaining too much weight and having an emergency c-section).  What if the next pregnancy isn’t like the first one?  

5.  What if something goes wrong?  

6.  I love Vinay.  I love him SO much, it scares me.  And what frightens me the most is I don’t know if I’ll be able to love another baby as much.  Does that sound ridiculous?  It doesn’t in my head, but it does when I say it out loud!

So – Does anyone have any advice?  Do I sound utterly selfish and absurd?

Flying Solo

LagosMum1 Comment

I did it.  I can’t believe I actually left V in Lagos and came to London for the week.

I was feeling absolutely fine about it, as I’d organised things for him to do every day.  BUT he started coughing a little on Friday afternoon.  And on Saturday he got a runny nose.  I thought it was just a teething issue, but wasn’t sure.  So we went to the doctor.  

The doctor said he would be alright, especially since he didn’t have a temperature, but to put him on antibiotics since his tonsils were a little inflamed.  I told Hub right then and there that I wasn’t going to leave the following morning.  I couldn’t.

Hub was very reassuring and said to just go and that everything would be ok (I think he was trying to get rid of me).  The doctor decided to put his two bits in and said to go and that there was nothing to worry about.  So I went.

On Sunday morning I woke up and spent a little time with V.  I got ready and said goodbye.  Hub said they’d come downstairs, but I insisted they stay upstairs and watch the Wheels on the Bus (again).

I didn’t cry – but I felt wobbly and anxious.  I was felt ok once we started boarding.

Row 64, don’t you know?  They should have just stuck me in the toilet!

This is the first flight I’ve taken since July last year (the sixth flight) where I’ve been child-free and able to eat a meal and watch a movie.

I started watching ‘The Help’, but had to turn it off when I saw the little girl at the beginning and the tears started.  

Two movies, one sitcom, one meal and a packet of wine gums later and it was time to land.  I couldn’t wait – I was desperate to pee (I NEVER use the bathroom on the Lagos-London sector)!

I called Hub as soon as we landed and was (again) reassured that everything was fine.  They’d played in the garden and V was feeling much better.

And now I feel much better too.  

I’m in London for a week and I’m planning to make the most of it.  

If I don’t freeze first!

What Can Your Baby Do?

LagosMum5 Comments

As I’ve mentioned (just once or twice) before, Vindoo was born underweight.  And it wasn’t until he was about 6 months old, that the health visitors at the baby clinic said he was at a ‘normal’ weight.  I was a bit worried that maybe he wouldn’t ‘pick things up’ as quickly as he should…  After all, my mum is forever telling us how my brother was up and walking at 7 months (THANK GOD Vinay wasn’t).  And don’t you know, my sister was potty-trained by the time she was 4 weeks old?  FFS.

My mum rings every day and asks, ‘What new things is my baby (yes, her baby) doing today?’  He does lots of new things but… Not *every day*!  Then she’ll ask, ‘Does he know where his feet are?’  Um… No.  ‘If you give him a tissue or a napkin and tell him to wipe his mouth, can he?’  Er… No – he prefers to eat them.  ‘Can he say ‘Mama’?’  YES!  Yes!  Yes, he says mama.  I felt disappointed telling her that he says ‘mamamamamama’ – but not referring to me.

Anyway, so now Vinay is 10 months old, I find myself thinking about my friend’s daughter at 10 months (last summer) and all the things she could do.  She was walking.  She would say ‘tatu’ for ‘thank you’.  If you asked her where her nose, eyes, mouth, feet, etc were, she would point to them and repeat some of the words.  She’s 22 months now and her mum does phonics with her on a daily basis… *eye roll*  Her mum is a teacher – she *is* one of those mums (and she knows I love her)!  And I worried some more – am I not doing enough with him?  Should I be teaching him more things?  He is nearly a year old…  Maybe he should know more?  I know I’m not meant to compare him to other babies, because they are all different.  As a teacher I’ve lectured enough parents about comparing siblings!

Then I started thinking about all the things he *can* do.

(Before you continue reading, please know that I tried VERY hard to get photos to illustrate all my points – but when he sees the camera, he makes it his mission to get it and everything else is forgotten.)

He can crawl and stand and is using a walker now.  Yes, I know – lots of 10 month old babies can (and do).  But this is *my* list!

He ‘calls’ Rolo – eeehheeehhh

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(It’s an old picture.  And the Bumbo is purple because we borrowed it!)

The two windows in his room face our garden and the neighbours’ garden – and he likes to look at the birds.  And if you ask him, ‘Where are the birds?’  He looks out of the window for them.  And if there aren’t any, he calls them – the same way he calls Rolo.

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If he’s being carried, he points to where he wants to go.  Points and whines.  A lot.  Oh yes – there’s a lot of whining.

His favourite book is ‘Guess with Jess’.  And if you ask him, ‘Where’s Jess?’ he goes crawling off to the book basket and takes each book out one by one until he finds the correct one.

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He picks up any mobiles or remote controls and puts them to his ear and says ‘Hey’ (the sound, not the word) as though he’s on the phone (before putting it in his mouth).

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(Please excuse the dribble all over his chin and trackies!)

If you ask him to show you the light, he looks up and points at the light.

You can ask him, ‘Vinay, where’s the monkey?  Go find the little monkey.’  And he’ll find the little toy monkey.  

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He has started ‘dancing’ to music – he flaps his hands and does a little bounce.

And he has started waving goodbye!

Actually, I think he can do rather a lot!  He never ceases to amaze me 🙂  Maybe I am a little silly to worry…?

 

 

 

Try, Try and Try Again

LagosMum2 Comments

The Hub and I had been married for two years when we decided we’d start trying for a family (January 2008).  This was very exciting!  I already had a list of boys’ and girls’ names to choose from when our baby came (how sad am I?).

After trying and trying and trying, for what seemed like forever, I didn’t know what to do anymore (it had been fourteen months).  I was happy for each of my friends when they announced their pregnancies, but I also always felt envious.  There were so many thoughts that raced through my head all day, every day (It isn’t fair! Why isn’t it me?  They got married after us and they’re having their 2nd baby!  They got married only 6 months before us and they’re having their 2nd baby!  What have I done that’s so wrong?  Aren’t we trying hard enough?).  And of course, as each of my friend’s babies were born, I had to cross their names of *my* list of potential baby names.  That was also upsetting.

I went to London for the Easter holiday to spend some time with my parents.   My sister-in-law had just had a baby two weeks before.  This little baby was the cutest little thing – I held him for the whole day and didn’t really want to let him go!

I came back to Lagos and decided – that’s it.  It was time to go to the doctor and check that everything was ‘working’.  I had a blood test to check hormone levels (everything was fine).  I had an HSG (hysterosalpingography).  This is a radiologic procedure to check that the tubes are clear.  The doctor said it wouldn’t hurt.  He lied.  Only a man could say it wouldn’t hurt!  Anyway – everything was fine.  The Hub was amazing – and came to every test and (almost every) doctor’s appointment with me.  And the poor Hub- I made him have all the ‘man type’ tests too.  He never complained.  Not once.  All clear.  By now it was June, 2009.

So what was the problem?  It didn’t help that people (mostly our parents’ friends and other nosey people) kept asking us when we were going to have a baby, and why didn’t we have a baby, and wasn’t it time and we weren’t getting any younger.

The doctor advised us to try three rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination), and if that didn’t work, then we’d move on to IVF.  We were planning to go away for about three weeks over the summer holiday and decided we’d start treatment when we came back in September.  I had to have shots every day (but can’t remember how long for) and take Clomid.  Again – I can’t remember how long for.  But everything works according to your cycle.  All the shots and pills made me put on weight (which was already piling on since I’d given up smoking the month before) and I felt so bloated and disgusting – but I kept telling myself it was all for a good cause!

The day of the insemination came and I was…  Excited, I think.  Excited and nervous, and I really believed that it was going to happen this time.  I raced to the clinic straight after school (because timing is everything) and checked myself in.  I waited for the doctor for five, yes FIVE, hours.  He was in theater apparently.  And it was an emergency.  I wanted to cry.  Wasn’t this an emergency??  The Hub had travelled for work and wouldn’t be back for another two or three weeks – so I was on my own.  Finally the doctor came and the procedure was done in five minutes.  The doc told me to take a pregnancy test in two weeks time.  Thirty minutes later, I went home.

For the next two weeks I was really careful about everything.  I didn’t drink alcohol, I didn’ t lift anything heavy, I rested as much as I could.  It was going to work!  Two weeks later I didn’t take a pregnancy test because I realised it hadn’t worked.  The Hub still wasn’t back from his trip, and I was devastated.

I decided that I couldn’t go through the same thing month after month.  The pressure was too much!  So we booked ourselves to Las Vegas for Christmas and New Year and said we’d start again in January when we got back.  I honestly felt so… Relieved! 

We went to Vegas and had a blast.  We drank ourselves silly, won (and lost) at BlackJack and Roulette, ate like we would never eat again and renewed our vows at the Graceland Chapel.  It was a fabulous holiday. 

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We stopped in London for one day before heading back to Lagos, and I realised I was late.  This was probably due to jet lag and travelling, but I thought I’d take a test anyway.  I couldn’t believe it.  It was positive!  I was pregnant while we were in Vegas (oops)!  When I thought about it, I remembered feeling a bit light-headed and dizzy while we were there, but I just thought it was because… Well, because it was Vegas!

God works in mysterious ways.