Category: Pregnancy

A Complete Family

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At a recent party, many people asked me if I knew the sex of the baby. I was very happy to say, “Yes! It’s a boy!” Almost everyone congratulated me and made a comment about having 3 boys, which is fine – I know people want to know, but then don’t know what to say when you tell them.

But two people’s responses irritated me.

The first person (a woman younger than me) said, “Oh no! Are you disappointed?” I said to her, “No. Are you disappointed that you have two girls?”

And the other person (also a woman younger than me) said, “Oh no! I’m so sorry! You know they say the family isn’t complete unless you have a boy and a girl.” Apart from the fact that she was spitting all over me while speaking, I really was at a loss for words. Finally, I said to her, “We didn’t choose to have a baby because we decided to try for a girl. We chose to have a baby because we wanted to have another child.”

A family being complete with one boy and one girl (or more than two children, but having both sexes) is a conversation that I’ve had with my mother-in-law (and some of her friends) time and time again. And time and time again, I’ve tried to make her (them) understand – that the idea of a ‘complete’ family is what the parents want it to be! Whether it’s one child, two boys, 5 girls – WHATEVER. And that it’s a choice (and sometimes not a choice) made between partners and has nothing to do with anyone else, and why would anyone even feel the need to comment on it?

This backward, archaic way of thinking really bothers me, and gets me really worked up. I mean… We’re in 2022, for God’s sake.

So for the last two weeks when I’ve thought about these comments from these two young women, I’ve been trying to put my finger on why it’s been bothering me this much. And I think I’ve realized. I’ve spent so many years battling with my mother-in-law, trying to make her (and her friends) see sense, to make them understand that we’ve moved on, and that they should move on, from this old-fashioned, traditional way of thinking – only to realize… We haven’t. What hope do we have of changing how our parents’ generation think if our own generation thinks the same way?

Anyway – rant over.

Soooo… Here We Go Again

LagosMum2 Comments

It’s been a minute, hasn’t it?

So much has happened, and yet it feels like time has stood still.

The boys are grown. Vins is 11 and Booni is 7.

I lost my dad last September.

I turned 44 this year.

I’m still teaching kindergarten, and this might be one of the (if not THE) hardest years I’ve ever had to teach. Even more difficult than the 2019-2020 year.

And now…

Baby number 3 is on his way!

LagosDad and I had a couple of conversations about trying again, but we didn’t really take it any further. Then when we really decided (in December), we couldn’t quite coordinate ourselves. And then in January, I was pregnant! This is our miracle baby. My dad’s gift, I like to say. For the simple reason: it took us two years to conceive with each of the boys, and this time – it happened straight away!

People have been very surprised. Well, so are we!

I’m going to try to revive my blog… So you can join me on our next adventure!

The Third Baby

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When Booni was a few months old, I told LagosDad that I wanted another baby (I must have been out of my mind). He said ‘no way’ right away. But I kind of tried to persuade him a few times over the next couple of years.

The thing is, even though I kept telling him I wanted a baby, I wasn’t sure if I did. I just kept saying I did.

Booni is 4.5, and Vins 8.5 – they’ve both grown up so much. We’ve gone on nice holidays together – just the four of us, enjoyed days out and kind of get along a bit better now. We are just getting our lives back really, aren’t we?

We spent the long weekend with friends. Some of them have babies, some 1 and 2 year olds. I look at them, and I think, ‘Ohhh, so cute!’ But I’m also thinking, ‘THANK God I’m past that stage!’

Having said that, the third baby is coming. Our new puppy is arriving next week!

Personal Shopping

LagosMum5 Comments

I’ve put on a lot of weight. I’ve gone up two dress sizes. Yes, the same happened when I was pregnant with V1. But I never really lost all the weight the first time round, so now I’m bigger than I was then. Oh – and my feet have also grown. Again. Last time they grew half a size. This time they’ve grown a full size. So they’re a size and a half bigger than they were before V1 was born!

I’m not thrilled about it. And I know I can lose a lot of it (if I put my mind to it) – but it will take time. More likely it will take time until I actually start doing something about it! It’s very rare that I feel determined to do something. It wasn’t until last year that I started looking semi-normal (for me) again. And that was when V1 turned three! I’ll have to start working at it sooner this time I guess.

Before I go any further, it would be worth mentioning that I’m not trying to offend anyone with my comments about size or shape. I’m not saying that big isn’t beautiful or anything like that. I’m talking about MY size and MY shape and how it makes ME feel. I think if you feel good, you look good. And right now, I’m not feeling good. Got it? Good.

Since Baby V was born (two months ago), I’ve worn leggings every day. Leggings and a maternity t-shirt. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I’m very comfortable – I won’t deny that. I tried on some jeans about two weeks after he was born. Big mistake. I couldn’t get anything round my waist and zips hurt my c-section site. So I decided I wasn’t going to do that again.

I was tempted to buy lots of winter clothes. You know – layers! But that was pointless as I am only in London for a short time. And I’m glad I didn’t as it’s been so warm. Well, until yesterday anyway.

And now I need summer clothes. All summer long I’d waddle around the shops (buying stuff for the children) admiring the clothes. I wanted to buy loads – but didn’t know what size I’d need. So I didn’t buy anything. And I’m regretting it now!

Anyway – so since I’ve never been this size (very large) or shape (very round) before, I’ve really struggled to buy clothes. I didn’t know how to dress for my shape or what would look good/what I could get away with.

The first thing I did was go to John Lewis to get myself measured so I could buy new bras. I couldn’t wait to get back into underwired bras! After trying on about ten bras, the ‘fitter’ (I don’t know what else to call her) told me my size. She then went on to tell me that they had NOTHING in stock in that size. Lovely. So I went to House of Fraser. I got fitted again. Turns out I wasn’t the size the woman in JL told me, and I was actually another size. But that size wasn’t in stock at House of Fraser. I was ready to have a meltdown. All I wanted was a bra! The lady at House of Fraser gave me another size option. The fit wasn’t perfect – but it would do.

I’d been thinking about making myself an appointment for a personal shopper at John Lewis or Debenhams. To help me with my clothing dilemma. I’ve been to John Lewis A LOT over the last few months – and while I’ve liked a few things I’ve seen – I hadn’t liked loads. So I decided not to do it there. I don’t know why I decided against Debenhams, I just did. So while I was in House of Fraser that day, I made a Personal Shopper appointment for the following Wednesday. The lady who took the appointment asked me if I’d mind a male stylist. I was quite happy with that. In fact, I preferred it.

The next morning I put on my new bra. And I was really upset. It just didn’t fit properly. It had looked alright in the store – but terrible at home. So I went to Bravissimo. Why I didn’t go there in the first place, I just don’t know. The lady who did my fitting was brilliant and I left with four new bras. Hooray!

So the morning of my personal shopping appointment dawned. I was nervous. What would it be like? Would it be like a Trinny and Susannah thing? Would I look like a different person (yes please!)? Would I get to walk round and choose stuff with the stylist? Would he laugh at me and my huge arse? Would he advise me on what I should and shouldn’t wear? Clearly I had too much time to think about it!

Anyway, so I arrived fifteen minutes early and waited. And waited. A man finally showed up. He looked at me and smiled and said, ‘Hi’. I said ‘Hi’ too. And then he said, ‘I haven’t seen you for a long time.’ Errr… Or ever? I told him we’d not met before. He looked a bit confused but shrugged it off.

He led me to a private dressing area for my consultation. I explained that I had just had a baby and needed summer clothes – day and evening. The consultation was about ten minutes long. He said it would normally be longer, but because there’s only winter wear on the shop floor there weren’t going to be too many choices! Great. He told me to wait there and that he’d be back in about thirty minutes with a whole bunch of stuff to try on. That was fine, but I was confused. How was he going to know what I will or won’t wear? He didn’t know that I try to avoid sleeveless tops (the arm holes always gape and my back fat isn’t a pretty sight). He didn’t know that I like sparkly things. Or that I didn’t want to wear any short tops. What the hell was he going to bring me?

When he came back, he brought a rail of clothing. I immediately saw things that I hated. And a couple of things that I quite liked. On the whole I didn’t think he really ‘got’ me. But how could he have? I tried everything on anyway and I have to admit, I was quite impressed with some of the things. He told me I had to dress for the body I have. Not the body I had. NO SHIT? REALLY? Isn’t that why I was there? He also told me that if I wear long tops and t-shirts, my legs would look shorter. Oh yeah! I saw that immediately. I’d much rather have my arse hidden away, but that wouldn’t always be possible. I wondered why he hadn’t bought me some of the evening wear I’d seen when I’d walked around earlier. Did he think I was too old? Too fat? Wouldn’t need it? I let it go and decided I could always try stuff on on my own at a later time.

So he did quite well. I bought quite a lot. I won’t tell you how much I spent or how many items I bought. But I will tell you that because it was all mostly summer wear, it was pretty much all on sale!

The experience has bolstered my confidence a little. I feel a bit better about going into shops and trying on (and buying) larger sizes than I’m used to.

But I am going to miss my leggings and maternity t-shirts once I’m back in Lagos!

 

 

The Wedding

LagosMum6 Comments

One of the biggest plus points of being in London over the summer meant that I could attend my cousin’s wedding. If I were going to have the baby in Dubai, as was the original plan, this wouldn’t have been possible.

The wedding was fantastic – three nights of partying. Everything went according to plan, the entertainment was brilliant and, of course, the bride was beautiful.

So three nights of partying. For everyone else! I couldn’t drink – but I danced until 3 and 4 in the morning! I had to sleep for two days after the reception, but I enjoyed myself.

I met so many people I hadn’t met in years and got to catch up with lots of family.

There was one girl I kept seeing. She looked familiar, but I just couldn’t place her. I asked someone her name and then realised I had no idea who she was.

She very randomly approached me at the reception and told me she was worried that her dress may fall off. Let me just reiterate – I don’t know her and she doesn’t know me. She then went on to tell me that she had recently lost a bit of weight after going to a nutritionist and that she was feeling great. She then said she wanted to lose more because she wants to look good. I heard about her friend who did some diet and how well it worked, etc. I tried to add a comment here and there, but the music was really loud and we could barely hear each other.

Then she asked me where I was staying. I told her. She said she wasn’t far from there and maybe we should meet up sometime. I nodded. She still didn’t know my name! She gave me her phone to put in my details and then gave me a missed call so I had her number.

Then she said: Isn’t it awful that women don’t support each other or share their weight loss secrets? We should meet for a nice big glass of wine and talk about how we can support each other while trying to lose weight.

Ummm…

I told her I wasn’t drinking until September-ish. She made a face.

I told her it was because I’m pregnant.

She tried not to look surprised!

Basically, she had this very long and boring conversation with me because she thought I was fat. Not pregnant!

Here I Am!

LagosMum9 Comments

Hooray! We made it! We’re in London!

We’ve been here about ten days and have just been busy sorting out the flat – getting towels, an iron, hangers, a kettle, etc…  And of course the TV and Internet!

V is loving going to the park every day, feeding the ducks and playing in the playground.

I forgot how much I love London in the summer.  Although I am a hot and sweaty mess!

I am trying to be extra organised. I have been buying clothes for baby and V (school uniforms included) in bigger sizes for LagosDad to take back with him. And I’ve even ordered baby’s crib and a new mattress for the cot in Lagos.

I know I don’t have to do it all now, but I need to feel as though I’m doing *something* to organise myself. Plus the sales are on and it is the perfect time to buy summer clothes!

V has been doing a little shopping with me. He is very happy to come and choose things for the baby (as long as there’s something in it for him).

In fact, the other day we were wandering around John Lewis (he likes to call it, “the shop where you buy your bras”), and we were looking at the all the teddies. He said, “Mama, I think my baby brother would love to have this cuddly bear. I’m going to buy this bear to put in his cot.” A lady was walking past at this time and she stopped to listen to our conversation, with one hand over her heart.  A few seconds later he said, “Mama, you don’t worry about the baby ok? Don’t worry about anything because when the baby cries me and yaya (the nanny) will feed him his dudu (milk). Ok? You don’t worry.”

He really is growing up so fast.

Anyway, am off.

More soon!

Where I Am…

LagosMum11 Comments

Ok, so here’s where I am with things…

The first thing I had to do was book-in with my previous ob/gyn.  I booked-in late, but he is squeezing me in.  That was a huge relief!  We still have to pay the extortionate hospital deposit, and I’m hoping that will be done this week.

The second thing I had to do was find an apartment.  I emailed many agents about dozens of flats.  Zoopla is my new favourite website.  I got some leads.  Some didn’t even bother replying.  Finding a short-let during the summer, in central London and in our budget proved to be a bit challenging.  Especially since we were looking for a three bedroom/two bathroom place.

I found one place which was perfect for us (the living area seems a bit small from the pictures, but it will have to do).  The agent and I were in touch for the longest time.  She wanted all sorts of details, which was fine.  And then when we confirmed that we wanted the place, the amount of paperwork we had to produce was ridiculous.  I’m not sure if it’s because we’re overseas, or if that’s what’s usually done.  While this was going on, I was also in touch with another agent regarding a second place.  The price was the same, but it seemed bigger and was in another area which I would have been happy to stay in.  According to the agent, the landlord of that flat wanted to know if we could pay six months’ rent up front.  No.  Well then, did we have a UK guarantor?  Yes.  What was his job/role/company, etc?  Told him.  Did he/she make circa 100,000 GBP/year?  Was this landlord mental?  Could we send them bank statements?  Yes, we could.  In the end I stopped communicating with them.  Not because I didn’t want that flat, but I got so fed up.  If you have a list of questions, can you please send them to me all at once?  Instead of asking me one, waiting for me to answer (all via email) and then sending me another?  Ridiculous.

Anyway, so the first place is confirmed.  The only thing is, there’s no TV, Internet, bedding, tumble dryer.  We’ll have to organise all this once we get there.  Is it possible to get WiFi without a landline?  And is it the norm to not have all this included?  Or does it just depend on the individual landlord?

The third thing on my list was the nanny’s visa.  She has come to Dubai with us.  And she’s even come to Bali.  When we go to Dubai, the travel agent organises her visa for us and when we went to Bali, she got a visa on arrival.  Getting a UK visa was a whole new ball game for us.  Again, the paperwork we needed was excessive.  The online application was looooong!  And it wasn’t cheap either.  We submitted everything and she had her appointment for her biometrics etc on 7th May.  It took two hours to submit all the paperwork and process everything.  They told her it would take 15 working days.  We waited and waited to hear.  It was after 21 working days that we got the text message that the passport was ready for collection.  And…  She got her visa!  Hurrah!

I’ve also organised all the ‘baby stuff’ I need to take with us.  Baby bottles (new), baby blankets (some new), baby clothes (very few, V’s old ones), etc.  I’ve just shoved it all in an empty cupboard for now.

I’ve ordered all the freight from the UK – Pampers – sizes 3 and 4, new light fittings for the children’s rooms, new bed for V, formula for baby, dog treats (not for baby), toiletries (for baby).

I’ve moved all the furniture round, so that all the baby furniture that was in V’s room is now in the playroom (now the nursery) and so that all the toys that were in the playroom are now all in V’s room.  I’ll probably put the children in the same room eventually, but not just yet.

I’ve peeled all the animal stickers off V’s walls so that LagosDad can have the room painted before we come back.  I thought V would be a little upset to see the stickers go, but he wasn’t.  I guess this is just another sign that he’s growing up!  He actually helped me to peel some of them off.  We worked together and chatted.  I mentioned to him that Papa was going to paint the room before we came back.

A couple of days ago we were talking about leaving and how we all had to pack, etc. and I said something about LagosDad coming with us.  V said, ‘I don’t think Papa should come with us to London.’  Oh?  Poor LagosDad.  He’d be upset to hear that V doesn’t want him around.  I replied, ‘Oh?  But why not?’  V responded, ‘Don’t you remember Mama?  Papa has to paint my room!’

So, we’re nearly there.  We leave in 10 days.  But I haven’t booked flights yet.

I better get on that.

 

Reading Stories

LagosMum2 Comments

As you know, because I’ve mentioned more than a few times, I’ve been worried about how V will take to having a sibling. This is why I had to share the following conversation with you…

V: Mama, will you read me this story?

Me: Sure I will, come up on the bed.

V: Mama, when my baby brother comes, you can read this story to both of us. Ok?

I was so surprised and so proud that I may have had to hide a tear or two.
I know, I know – I’m a sad case!

Nothing For Me!

LagosMum2 Comments

My brother and his wife just had the most adorable baby boy about a month ago.

They live in Jamaica and the baby was born in Miami.  Lucky them!

Anyway, so I ordered a few bits and pieces online for my nephew and had it all delivered directly to them.

After everything arrived, my sister-in-law said that I’d ordered two of the one of the things by mistake and what should she do.  I told her she could exchange it or if baby would need two sets of vests, then to hang on to them.

Instead she sent them back to me (through her dad) for when my baby arrives!

Her dad rang me this morning to let me know that he was back and that he had a parcel for me.  My mum had sent some maternity t-shirts also.

Once I received the parcel, I took out the vests and showed V.  He asked if they were for him.  We looked at them carefully, held them up against him and came to the conclusion that they were too small for him.  I told him they were for when his baby brother turned three months old.  V wasn’t impressed.

He then spotted the bag and asked what was inside.  I told him they were my clothes.  He wanted to know where they had come from and why there wasn’t anything for him!

He was so upset that the baby got something and that he didn’t, that he started crying.

Is it always going to be like this?

My Pillow

LagosMum4 Comments

LagosDad went to Amsterdam for work a couple of months ago.  He asked me if there was anything I wanted.

Yes!  I told him I wanted ham.  Lots and lots of ham (but that has nothing to do with this).

But apart from that, I told him I wanted one of those ‘body pillow‘ things.  Actually, I told him I needed one and that he shouldn’t come back without one!

Poor guy, he did struggle to find one for me (because he was looking in furniture stores?!) – but eventually found me one when he went to a baby store!

It has been a Godsend.  I’m so much more comfortable when I sleep/lie down.  And V has taken a bit of a liking to it too.  He uses it when he’s watching TV in my room.

A couple of nights ago, V got in a bit of a strop before going to bed.  I can’t remember what the issue was – but he was cross with me and decided he was taking my pillow to bed with him!  I didn’t argue and just left him to it.

I headed to bed at about 11pm and stopped by his room to get my body pillow on the way.  There he was – looking oh-so-comfortable in his cot bed with MY body pillow!  I peeled him off it and took the it back without waking him.

At 2am he woke up and started screaming.  He wanted to know where HIS pillow was!  I told him to lie down and I was bringing it.  I went back to bed.

At 7am he stormed into my room, stomped over to my side of the bed, ripped the covers off me and snatched the pillow away!

He brought it back soon after and said, ‘Mama, let’s make a deal.  You use it in the day time and I will use it at night.’  EH?  This ‘deal’ didn’t suit me.  I didn’t say anything to him at the time.

Later in the day I brought up the pillow again.  I told him he could take it to bed with him and that when I went to bed I’d come to his room and get it.

This was unacceptable to him.  He wanted it ALL night.

I told him that only mamas with babies in their tummies could use the pillow at night.  He looked at me and sucked his teeth.

I started to dread the evening.  How would I convince him to go to bed and leave MY pillow behind?  And if he did take it with him, how could I get it back and not suffer the consequences when he woke?

In the end, as usual, I needn’t have worried.  He seemed to have forgotten all about it when he went to bed that day.  He didn’t mention it.  I do think, though, that is because he didn’t see me using it.

Had he seen me with my feet up, all nice and comfy, he would definitely have made a play for it!

Typical, really.  Isn’t it?