Category: Parenting

A Complete Family

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At a recent party, many people asked me if I knew the sex of the baby. I was very happy to say, “Yes! It’s a boy!” Almost everyone congratulated me and made a comment about having 3 boys, which is fine – I know people want to know, but then don’t know what to say when you tell them.

But two people’s responses irritated me.

The first person (a woman younger than me) said, “Oh no! Are you disappointed?” I said to her, “No. Are you disappointed that you have two girls?”

And the other person (also a woman younger than me) said, “Oh no! I’m so sorry! You know they say the family isn’t complete unless you have a boy and a girl.” Apart from the fact that she was spitting all over me while speaking, I really was at a loss for words. Finally, I said to her, “We didn’t choose to have a baby because we decided to try for a girl. We chose to have a baby because we wanted to have another child.”

A family being complete with one boy and one girl (or more than two children, but having both sexes) is a conversation that I’ve had with my mother-in-law (and some of her friends) time and time again. And time and time again, I’ve tried to make her (them) understand – that the idea of a ‘complete’ family is what the parents want it to be! Whether it’s one child, two boys, 5 girls – WHATEVER. And that it’s a choice (and sometimes not a choice) made between partners and has nothing to do with anyone else, and why would anyone even feel the need to comment on it?

This backward, archaic way of thinking really bothers me, and gets me really worked up. I mean… We’re in 2022, for God’s sake.

So for the last two weeks when I’ve thought about these comments from these two young women, I’ve been trying to put my finger on why it’s been bothering me this much. And I think I’ve realized. I’ve spent so many years battling with my mother-in-law, trying to make her (and her friends) see sense, to make them understand that we’ve moved on, and that they should move on, from this old-fashioned, traditional way of thinking – only to realize… We haven’t. What hope do we have of changing how our parents’ generation think if our own generation thinks the same way?

Anyway – rant over.

Puberty

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Vins is 11 now and starts middle school in August. How that happened so fast, I don’t know!

Anyway, two weeks ago they had their ‘puberty talk’ in school. Boys and girls are separated, and given ‘the talk’.

When I got home that afternoon I asked him how it went. He said it was very uncomfortable. I asked him if he had any questions he wanted to ask me or LagosDad, he mumbled ‘no’. Basically, he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

The following week I was talk to a friend. Her son is the same grade as Vin and also had ‘the talk’. She told me about her chat with him that day. They asked him what he had learnt. He mentioned a couple of things and said ‘sex’. They asked him ‘what did you learn about sex?’ I can’t remember what she said he answered, but he did say this:

“Do you know what Vinay said? Vinay said: ‘Now I know why my parents spent the weekend at Eko Hotel!'”

Hahahahaha! Oops? I mean, it was our anniversary…?

Soooo… Here We Go Again

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It’s been a minute, hasn’t it?

So much has happened, and yet it feels like time has stood still.

The boys are grown. Vins is 11 and Booni is 7.

I lost my dad last September.

I turned 44 this year.

I’m still teaching kindergarten, and this might be one of the (if not THE) hardest years I’ve ever had to teach. Even more difficult than the 2019-2020 year.

And now…

Baby number 3 is on his way!

LagosDad and I had a couple of conversations about trying again, but we didn’t really take it any further. Then when we really decided (in December), we couldn’t quite coordinate ourselves. And then in January, I was pregnant! This is our miracle baby. My dad’s gift, I like to say. For the simple reason: it took us two years to conceive with each of the boys, and this time – it happened straight away!

People have been very surprised. Well, so are we!

I’m going to try to revive my blog… So you can join me on our next adventure!

The Third Baby

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When Booni was a few months old, I told LagosDad that I wanted another baby (I must have been out of my mind). He said ‘no way’ right away. But I kind of tried to persuade him a few times over the next couple of years.

The thing is, even though I kept telling him I wanted a baby, I wasn’t sure if I did. I just kept saying I did.

Booni is 4.5, and Vins 8.5 – they’ve both grown up so much. We’ve gone on nice holidays together – just the four of us, enjoyed days out and kind of get along a bit better now. We are just getting our lives back really, aren’t we?

We spent the long weekend with friends. Some of them have babies, some 1 and 2 year olds. I look at them, and I think, ‘Ohhh, so cute!’ But I’m also thinking, ‘THANK God I’m past that stage!’

Having said that, the third baby is coming. Our new puppy is arriving next week!

Sleepover

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Last Thursday a friend rang me and said that our boys (they’re in the same class) had decided that they wanted to have a sleepover at the weekend, and would Vins want to go…

Wow… A sleepover? To be honest, I was kind of excited about having the TV to myself for a whole evening. But – would he be ok? Would he cry when it was time to sleep because he wanted to come home? Would we get a middle of the night phone call asking us to pick him up? I wasn’t worried about safety or him being in any danger – my first sleepover was with his friend’s mum (many moons ago) when I was the same age! I knew he’d be fine.

I figured I’d speak to Vins and see how he felt about going. For all I knew, he could have been excited when they talked about it at school, but then thought about it some more later and changed his mind. Anyway, he was quite insistent that he wanted to go, that he would be fine and that he was going to have the most awesome time! He was so excited, I can’t even begin to explain…

Come Saturday afternoon, I dropped him off at 5pm and tried to say goodbye. I also tried to get Vins to say goodbye to Booni. But it was futile. He was off, running around the house with his friend in wild abandonment.

LagosDad and I decided to stay in that evening (actually, I decided to stay in and his plans fell through <evil laugh>) just in case that middle-of-the-night phone call came. My friend messaged at about 9.30 pm to say they were having a ball and didn’t show any signs of going to sleep yet!

I woke up the next morning and the first thing I thought was, “Hey! He made it through the night!”

Can you believe it? Can you believe that my Vins made it through a sleepover in someone else’s home? Without either parent or yaya (nanny)?

He really does infuriate me sometimes, but I’m so proud of him!

 

 

Gone Again

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I was looking for a post I wrote about 18 months ago. A post about the children’s nanny and the fact that she was away/had been away for about 6 months…

Anyway, so that time has come again. Annual leave time.

E (the children’s nanny) left yesterday for a month.

It all happened rather suddenly. She wasn’t meant to go until the summer, but something came up and she had to leave this month. While I spent the last two weeks worrying about the children and how they’d cope, worrying about how I’d cope and worrying about who would do the laundry (I suppose I’ll have to be a bit proactive!), I realized that this was actually a good thing. At least I can have a summer holiday too, then!

Anyway, so the post I was looking for had to do with Vins’ bedtime and the fact that I had to pat him and sing him to sleep. Not sure if you remember that one?

So last night, when it was bedtime he asked me to put him to bed. I said, “Of course I’ll put you to bed!” I thought, “ARGH!”

I tucked him in, he closed his eyes immediately. I patted him for a few minutes, but didn’t sing. It looked like he was asleep, so I stopped the patting and studied his face (in the dark), hoping he didn’t suddenly sit up and ask to sleep in my bed. After about a minute, he opened his eyes, looked at me and said, “You can go now.”

So the time has come. The time when he doesn’t need me (or anyone else) to sing Dream A Little Dream to him. And he doesn’t need to be patted to sleep (finally). He even stayed in his own bed (until 4.45am).

He’s really growing up, isn’t he?

Lovebirds 

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So this morning, Vins walked in on LagosDad and I, ummm, being “intimate”. Oops.

Anyway, he looked at us, rolled his eyes and said, “Lovebirds!”

Then he grabbed LagosDad’s phone and left.

Where does he learn this stuff?!

I’m Still Here!

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I know, I know.

For those of you who missed me – I’m so sorry!

I don’t even know where to begin…

So, we spent the summer in Dubai with my parents. My kids were so happy – we swam every morning (it was too hot in the afternoons) and spent most of the day in various play areas.

The kids hadn’t met my parents or sister for over a year, and my brother, sister and I hadn’t been together for four years – so it was lovely to all spend time together.

School started at the beginning of August.

I’m loving being back at work. But I’m also feeling a bit like a headless chicken. I’m trying to balance time with the children and time at work, as well as time with LagosDad and fitting in other stuff. I’m not managing too well, actually. School seems to be winning!

I feel guilty that I’m not always home when my kids might need me. I feel guilty that they might not be getting enough attention from me. And I feel guilty that I’m not spending much time with them. On the other hand, it’s great to be able to be doing something for me.

Anyway… More soon.

🙂

You’re a Strong Boy!

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My kids have been sick.

One day it’s one and two days later, it’s the other. This has been going on for about a month. I’m pretty sure there’s something in the air.

Anyway, yesterday, Vins was complaining about a headache. He has NEVER complained about headaches before. He threw up a few times. He whinged and he whined and I started worrying about malaria, as he’s been getting fevers on and off for a couple of weeks.

Finally, he told me that he wanted to go to the doctor. “Mama, please take me to the doctor. I just want to get well now.” Vins wanting to go to the doctor? That’s when I knew he really wasn’t feeling good and was probably in more pain than I realized.

He threw up on the way to the doctor. And was pretty upset that his clothes were wet and dirty, and he started crying. My FIL kept telling him not to cry as he was a strong boy and that he should be brave.

This did not go down well with me – but I couldn’t say anything to him (directly, at least). The only thing I could do was tell Vins (in front of my FIL) that if his head hurt and he wanted to cry – he should cry. If something else hurt so much that he wanted to cry, then he should cry.

I will not have my son growing up thinking that in order to be a strong boy, or to be a man, he can’t cry. That is complete and utter nonsense and I won’t accept it. The boy is only five, for God’s sake.

He is who he is and I won’t change that. For anyone.

P.S. He has a tummy bug, not malaria.

The Flipside

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While I’m thrilled (and a little surprised) that Booni has adjusted to nursery so well and so quickly, there’s a flipside. Isn’t there always?

The flipside is that he’s become SUPER clingy. And although it’s to be expected, it’s driving me a bit nuts.

He wants me to carry him all the time. If I won’t carry him, he holds my hand and drags me to wherever he wants me to go. And he’s strong!

If I leave the room, he cries. And screams.

If I watch him playing in the garden (from the balcony) and I go inside, he cries.

If he’s hanging in my room and needs to go have a meal, a bath or whatever else, he cries.

I know he’ll be fine soon. But I’m going a bit bonkers.