Becoming a mother was always very important to me. As a teenager I knew I wanted to be a mother eventually. And as a ‘grown up’, becoming a mum and the idea of motherhood was very prominent in my thoughts.
While I knew I wanted to be a mum, I knew there were parts that I wouldn’t enjoy. Just like every parent, right?
And there are bits I didn’t/don’t enjoy. The waking up several times a night, the disgusting nappies, packing the changing bag at least an hour before leaving the house because you know how long it will take to get everyone ready and out on time – those kinds of things. And now that Vin is older, the constant negotiating is doing my head in. I must add that I usually give in – just for some quiet time! Yes – I am aware that I’m doing the wrong thing and that I mustn’t give in – but you don’t know him. You don’t know how he just drones on and on and on and on. And he sticks his face right up into mine and cries and it drives me bat shit crazy.
Anyway, moving on…
So the things I expected to enjoy, I don’t. I hate bath time. And I hate bed time. Is that wrong? Am I the only one? I know bath time is meant to be all fun and relaxing and stuff. And sometimes it is – but other times… It’s a battle. A battle to get clothes off. A battle to get in the tub. A battle to get out of the tub! It’s not that he doesn’t want to have a bath – he just takes SO long to do anything! I have to ask him at least three times to take his clothes off. And another three times to put his clothes in the hamper. And another three times to get in the tub. ARGH. And it’s usually because he’s too busy talking or he’s too busy pretending to be a transformer (I don’t know why this means everything has to be in slow motion). Sometimes, he pretends to be some kind of construction vehicle. ‘Activating excavator’ (in a robot voice). Sometimes, the laundry can only be picked up if the excavator has been activated. And only in slow motion.
And bed time… UGH. It should be a good bonding experience for us. But by the time he usually gets into bed, I’m irritated. And I’m hungry. We read a story and I sing him some songs – Dream A Little Dream, Hush Little Baby, Twinkle Twinkle, I Love You (Barney), Mr Sandman, Fly Me To The Moon and Goodnight Sweetheart. And always in that order. If it’s not in that order I have to start all over again. So while singing, I have to pat him. And when I finish singing, I have to continue to pat him until he falls asleep. I am aware that this is also my fault. I should not have let him get used to this patting to sleep nonsense. I’ve told him that once the new school year starts, he will get his story and his songs – but once that’s over, mama will leave him in his bed to fall asleep himself. I got puppy dog whining.
I love my boys – and I wouldn’t change them for anything, but does this make me a terrible parent? That I don’t enjoy some of the bits of being a mum that others do?