Ages ago – months and months ago – I wrote a post about all the things I would never do when I had a baby.

Recently I’ve found myself saying things to Vinay, and then thinking to myself, ‘Who’d have ever thought I’d EVER utter a sentence like that?’

Seriously, my mind boggles at some of the things I’ve found myself saying!

Here are some of those mind-boggling things.

1. Don’t put your hand in the loo! Argh! Take your hand out of your mouth!

2. Should I call Santa and tell him not to come because you’re not eating your dinner?

3. Vinay! You can’t take off your jeans every time you want to do a poo.  Especially when we’re not home!

4. Stop touching mama’s boobs!

5. No, you can’t sleep before you brush your teeth.

6. No, you can’t put coffee on your weetabix.

7. Quickly eat your lunch or Santa will take his presents back!

8. Do you want to hold your balls in the car?

9. Vinay, they don’t sell cupcakes in the zoo because the monkeys would eat them all.

10. If you don’t brush your teeth, you’ll have a dirty mouth and the lion will eat you.

11. Children with long toe nails aren’t allowed to drive the cars.

12. We can’t go on the bus today because the bus is tired and is going to sleep.

So…  Can anyone relate?  What strange things have you found yourself saying to your kids?