In our community, many married (and single) women don’t work. They run their homes, go to the gym, book groups, lunches, teas and do charity work.
Having said that, many of the ladies who *do* work manage to do all of the above as well.
I’m not judging. I’m stating a fact. If they’re happy, that’s great. Each to his own.
But it’s never been for me. Book groups, teas and lunches are just not my thing. I’m happy to meet people – but I prefer small groups, with people I know quite well.
While I was teaching, I wasn’t able to go out to lunch with friends. I couldn’t think of anything worse than coming home after a long day, getting ready and going out to tea. Baby showers? Really? Did I really have to go?
And this is the reason why I am struggling today.
I did (and do) have friends, of course. Some from school and some from our community. We went out drinking and dancing every Saturday. Our ‘group’ consisted of six of us. Hub and me and four good friends. They were (and still are) single. We had some brilliant times!
But things are different now.
While I was in London awaiting the arrival of V, the other four kind of disbanded and started meeting and hanging with different people. I don’t mind this at all. People change and sometimes you have to change your ‘group’ so that you’re comfortable with who you are.
However, Hub and I are wondering where we fit in now.
While we really enjoy and find nothing wrong with meeting our single friends, it has become more apparent that we have no married couple friends who are in the same phase in their lives as us.
What would happen if our best friend married and his wife wanted them to hang out with another ‘group’? What would happen if one or both of the women in our group got married and moved (this happens a lot) to another country?
We *know* lots of married couples, but their groups are ‘tight’. The wives are all fine on their own when it involves the children, etc. We meet at the playground or birthday parties, and it’s all great.
But with their husbands? God forbid they should include anyone else in their weekend plans!
There are other groups and other people, of course. But because I didn’t make too much of an effort before, it’s harder now.
So where do we go from here?
Hub seems to think it’s my responsibility to make more of an effort, make friends and make plans.
In some ways I agree with him. In others, I think, ‘wtf?!’
Whether I agree with him or not, is hardly the point though. The point is that we *do* need to meet more people. And we *do* need to make more and/or new friends.
The question is, how?
The Diary of a Lagos Mum 
It’s really hard. I was lucky to have a colleague who forced me to come to a few coffee sessions help by a local baby and toddler group. Down to earth women, not NCT like. I am now on the committee in charge of organising the Nearly New Sales. I also attribute it to helping prevent PND. However, in the situation you’re in, is there a toddler group like this?
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <html><head> <meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"> </head>I’m hoping that playgroup will help – as there are mums from all backgrounds there. <br/>I think I may have to start being a bit more pro-active, though! X<p>Sent from my BlackBerry?? smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.</p></html>
I know exactly what u mean Dia! We too do not ‘fit’ in any group.Some r ‘forced bachelors’ as wives have left Lagos with kids to other countries due to lack of good educational facilities here. The others -kids r very young and one or two are still bachelors in the real sense. I tried hard to co ordinate playdates for Ruhi with her school friends BUTu know how logistics in Lagos sucks ! Thankfully she loves babies and enjoys being with Dipa’s chn and Vinay too. (likes to ‘mama’ them) And hubby dear not being the very social types isnt helpful at all. So we generally hang out with people whom he is comfy with. Having said that, we are def open to the idea to meet for lunch/dinner/tea whatever..
I feel a bit like you. We have a couple we are friends with but while they are our age, they don’t have or won’t have children. Then the are my best friends who do have children and husbands but I only see them when we are just us and our kids. I don’t have any friends of my own in the town where I lve and I don’t attend any local toddler groups either because I can’t find one thats open at the right time or have room!? I think that’s one of the reasons why I have embraced twitter and blogging sommuch because ai feel like you guys are my friends.xxxx
Yes, there was another name for them, but nothing we can print here!
I think you’re right, Jenny – about having friends on Twitter. However, HE complains about that as well 🙂 xx
That sounds like a very frustrating situation! It’s really quite challenging making new friends when you have small children. I have to admit my NCT group was very hit and miss. Being a mum can be such an isolating experience without the added pressure of having to go out and meet new people.
I think what’s more frustrating is that we’ve all known each other for years – but the cliques still exist in a very big way! Oh well… We’ll have to think of something!Thanks for stopping by!
I know this is an old post…but did you have any success making new friends? are you open to making Nigerian friends? So many twitter mums in lagos to meet! – NAIJAWIFE
I’ve made some friends, yes Naijawife. But it hasn’t been easy. Of course am open to making Nigerian friends! Thanks for commenting 🙂