I am a stay-at-home-mum.
While I was pregnant, Hub and I decided that I would stay home for awhile and see how I felt about going back to work. Right now, I don’t want to. I don’t miss school. I don’t miss the paperwork, the politics or (some of) the people. And I certainly do not miss the very early (5.30am) mornings. I am happy staying at home and being with my son.
I’m not saying I’ll never work again. I’m just saying that for the moment, I don’t want to.
Believe me, I know how lucky I am. I know how fortunate we are to have a choice in the matter. There are so many mums that would leap at the chance to be a SAHM. I thank my lucky stars every day.
But should I be made feel guilty about this?
Example
I was with a friend a few months ago. V had just learnt how to roll over onto his front. My friend’s child is a similar age to V. She seemed quite impressed and said her baby wasn’t rolling over yet. I asked her if she’d noticed the baby doing half a roll (does that make sense?), because that was how V started. She replied with, ‘I haven’t noticed because I work.’
This same friend came to V’s party last month. As she was leaving, we were trying to sort out a play-date. She said she was a little busy for the next couple of weeks (as was I because my sister was in town). I told her that wasn’t a problem at all, and that she should contact me when things were less busy. She replied, ‘I’ll do that, but I’m not sure when it will be because, you know, I work.’
She was quite condescending both times.
I *know* she doesn’t want to work. I *know* she would rather stay at home and be with her child. And I know that she is not (yet) in a position to do so, which is why I have kept quiet and not said anything.
I’m not sure if she’s trying to make me feel guilty, or if it’s my over-active imagination at work.
Either way, I don’t like feeling like this!
The Diary of a Lagos Mum 
Sounds like she’s being pointed to me. She shouldn’t be transferring her issues onto you. You know I’m insanely jealous that you are lucky enough to be at home, but I would never deem to make you feel bad about it.
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <html><head> <meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"> </head>I know you wouldn’t. And that’s why I love you! :)<p>Sent from my BlackBerry?? smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.</p></html>
I can relate to this. It’s not so much a friend being condescending but people in everyday life. At the Drs and the dentist it is just presumed that I work and when I have to say I don’t (like when I am asked if I have a day off) the attitude towards me is noticeably different.I worked full time for many many years and I am very grateful that I have this opportunity to be home but I am also made to feel embarrassed and guilty for it as well.
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <html><head> <meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"> </head>Yes- I think the word I was looking for was ’embarrassed’. I think I feel more embarrassed than guilty about being fortunate enough to stay at home!<br/>Over here it is not uncommon to be a SAHM, especially in our community. <br/>I have to say, I was seriously pissed off this afternoon when an aunt asked me, ‘Are you having another baby, or going back to work?’ Why does it have to be one or the other? Grrrr!<p>Sent from my BlackBerry?? smartphone provided by Airtel Nigeria.</p></html>
Don’t feel guilty. After my son was born, he and I suffered terribly- he from ill health and me from his traumatic birth. I told my head teacher (I’m a teacher too) that I wanted part time hours and she refused. After a while, she relented and allowed me to do part time on a year’s secondment. After that year, my son was still under consultant care at the hospital, still not sleeping through and I still felt I owed him more of my time than full time hours allowed. Plus the fact, we didn’t need the money. Again, my head teacher initially refused but soon relented. She persuaded me to resign from my permanent full time position to take a temporary part time position which would be ‘renewed each year’, Now, I face unemployment after my maternity leave. But you know what? I would gladly swap it all to be with my kids. If money is not an issue then go for it. They are only young once and only need you like this for such a short space of time. I always say that I would hate to get ten years down the line and wonder where my babies had gone, and why my bank account was so full… Happy but broke rocks!XxX
Dont feel guilty and thank sfor joining the blog carnival pop over to baby budgeting on tues to see it all!
I think maybe it is her feeling guilty for not being able to be there for her child.
Hang in there, mamas! It’s hard work staying at home but it goes by in a snap and is well worth it! I have nine of my own- two are out of the house- and I’m glad I did but everyone needs some encouragement now and then- ❤ ❤ love to you all- God bless-