Try, Try and Try Again

The Hub and I had been married for two years when we decided we’d start trying for a family (January 2008).  This was very exciting!  I already had a list of boys’ and girls’ names to choose from when our baby came (how sad am I?).

After trying and trying and trying, for what seemed like forever, I didn’t know what to do anymore (it had been fourteen months).  I was happy for each of my friends when they announced their pregnancies, but I also always felt envious.  There were so many thoughts that raced through my head all day, every day (It isn’t fair! Why isn’t it me?  They got married after us and they’re having their 2nd baby!  They got married only 6 months before us and they’re having their 2nd baby!  What have I done that’s so wrong?  Aren’t we trying hard enough?).  And of course, as each of my friend’s babies were born, I had to cross their names of *my* list of potential baby names.  That was also upsetting.

I went to London for the Easter holiday to spend some time with my parents.   My sister-in-law had just had a baby two weeks before.  This little baby was the cutest little thing – I held him for the whole day and didn’t really want to let him go!

I came back to Lagos and decided – that’s it.  It was time to go to the doctor and check that everything was ‘working’.  I had a blood test to check hormone levels (everything was fine).  I had an HSG (hysterosalpingography).  This is a radiologic procedure to check that the tubes are clear.  The doctor said it wouldn’t hurt.  He lied.  Only a man could say it wouldn’t hurt!  Anyway – everything was fine.  The Hub was amazing – and came to every test and (almost every) doctor’s appointment with me.  And the poor Hub- I made him have all the ‘man type’ tests too.  He never complained.  Not once.  All clear.  By now it was June, 2009.

So what was the problem?  It didn’t help that people (mostly our parents’ friends and other nosey people) kept asking us when we were going to have a baby, and why didn’t we have a baby, and wasn’t it time and we weren’t getting any younger.

The doctor advised us to try three rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination), and if that didn’t work, then we’d move on to IVF.  We were planning to go away for about three weeks over the summer holiday and decided we’d start treatment when we came back in September.  I had to have shots every day (but can’t remember how long for) and take Clomid.  Again – I can’t remember how long for.  But everything works according to your cycle.  All the shots and pills made me put on weight (which was already piling on since I’d given up smoking the month before) and I felt so bloated and disgusting – but I kept telling myself it was all for a good cause!

The day of the insemination came and I was…  Excited, I think.  Excited and nervous, and I really believed that it was going to happen this time.  I raced to the clinic straight after school (because timing is everything) and checked myself in.  I waited for the doctor for five, yes FIVE, hours.  He was in theater apparently.  And it was an emergency.  I wanted to cry.  Wasn’t this an emergency??  The Hub had travelled for work and wouldn’t be back for another two or three weeks – so I was on my own.  Finally the doctor came and the procedure was done in five minutes.  The doc told me to take a pregnancy test in two weeks time.  Thirty minutes later, I went home.

For the next two weeks I was really careful about everything.  I didn’t drink alcohol, I didn’ t lift anything heavy, I rested as much as I could.  It was going to work!  Two weeks later I didn’t take a pregnancy test because I realised it hadn’t worked.  The Hub still wasn’t back from his trip, and I was devastated.

I decided that I couldn’t go through the same thing month after month.  The pressure was too much!  So we booked ourselves to Las Vegas for Christmas and New Year and said we’d start again in January when we got back.  I honestly felt so… Relieved! 

We went to Vegas and had a blast.  We drank ourselves silly, won (and lost) at BlackJack and Roulette, ate like we would never eat again and renewed our vows at the Graceland Chapel.  It was a fabulous holiday. 

Vegas

We stopped in London for one day before heading back to Lagos, and I realised I was late.  This was probably due to jet lag and travelling, but I thought I’d take a test anyway.  I couldn’t believe it.  It was positive!  I was pregnant while we were in Vegas (oops)!  When I thought about it, I remembered feeling a bit light-headed and dizzy while we were there, but I just thought it was because… Well, because it was Vegas!

God works in mysterious ways.

 

 

2 thoughts on “Try, Try and Try Again

  1. That has happened to a few of my friends, they relax and try and forget about not getting pregnant and then they get pregnant straight away! x

  2. Knew u were going thru a turmoil, din’t know what tho! Thnx for sharing! Can imagine how u felt those days…Can c u had goooood fun in Vegas and it stilllll is ur fav dest i am guessing !

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